A Return

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

O ye who believe! Turn unto Allah in sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will remit from you your evil deeds and bring you into Gardens underneath which rivers flow, on the day when Allah will not abase the Prophet and those who believe with him. Their light will run before them and on their right hands; they will say: Our Lord! Perfect our light for us, and forgive us! Lo! Thou art Able to do all things.(Ayah 8, Surah 66) 

I'm moved to speechlessness as I recognize that I, like you, have been granted the honour and an explicit invitation to come back to my Gracious Creator. How far we sometimes go, and yet He calls us back again and again, opening the doors of renewal constantly. With every prayer and good deed, during every third part of the night, during every Thursday night, on every Friday, throughout each day of this blessed month of Rajab, among many more times in the year, we are called to rectify our hearts and ways.

I find Rajab particularly touching in its meaning. Being the "month of Allah," we are reminded of our outstanding debt of repentance and we are granted promises of finding a way to return to our Lord specifically in these days and nights. 

We can never hide from our Lord, despite the shame of our lowliness, but why should we ever want to? He is the only One who deserves all praises and servitude and there are no secrets with Him. He calls us to Him despite our insincerity, arrogance, laziness, and weaknesses. Ya Rabb, laka kullu al hamd wa kullu ash shukr. O Lord, all praises and gratitude belong to You alone.

In these days when most of the world is enduring extreme challenges and human rights are violated to the worst degree and in the ugliest of ways, few of us can sleep well at night. I think about my Arabic teacher who is now in Iraq with her husband and young children. I wonder about their states, if they have food to eat and what they possibly witness in their days and hear into their nights. I listen to my neighbour telling me about her parents and adult children in Syria. I admire her parents' wisdom and faith and their restful states with their Lord and His decree. I am at a loss for comforting words as my friend, her husband, and their young son are faced with a forced return to Yemen where people are killing and being killed without just cause making daily life a struggle. Have a good opinion of Allah. To Him we entrust all our affairs. I shed a tear or more for all those who are persecuted, who watch helplessly as their children starve to death or who spend their days demanding that the world come together for the rights of their family members - men and women - who are wrongly imprisoned, tortured, and killed. I admire their strength and I pray for ease in all their affairs and peace in all their hearts.

And yet each day, I am faced with the meaning of potential as I spend my hours with 5-year-old children. I wonder what type of adults they might grow into and what they might need to figure out this insane world and be of benefit to it. 

I hate many things I see in myself, and I pray that despite my pathetic offerings, Allah will accept my attempts to be a better servant of Him. May Allah the Almighty and Merciful guide us all and let the miracles of the Quran manifest themselves to us inwardly and outwardly. May He protect us all from the evils of ourselves, mankind, and jinn. May He unite families in all that is beautiful and may He heal our hearts. May He make us from the people of the Quran, inwardly and outwardly. May He make us, all our loved ones, and our descendants from among those who receive His good pleasure and a sweet return to Him. O Allah, have mercy on us and this ummah. O Allah, shower your mercy on us and on our deceased. Ya Rabb, fill the graves of Your servants with the sights and scents of Jannah, and let us join them in the best of states as we return back to You. O Allah, let us die for Your sake and accept from us our repentance and efforts to make aright the wrongs in our actions and hearts. Ameen.

ربَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا ذُنُوبَنَا وَإِسْرَافَنَا فِي أَمْرِنَا وَثَبِّتْ أَقْدَامَنَا وانصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ

Our Lord, forgive us our sins and our transgressions, make our feet firm and assist us against those who reject faith. (3:147)