Words of the Heart and Mind...


I wrote this over three years ago, but I thought that perhaps the essence of it may be of benefit to others, insha'Allah, so I typed it up again to post here. It could do with a lot of editing, but I decided to keep it exactly like the original, minus a few paragraphs. The Internet is no place to call home. Please remember, these are mere thoughts that at one point in life I put onto paper. My words cannot be taken as "Islamically accurate" since I have no evidence to support them.

The sun is shining a little bit differently today, not drastically enough for anyone to notice but enough for the one looking to notice. In my eyes, its shimmer is different. It is special. I think of the past, present, and what the future may hold. I force myself to not lose sight of the fact that my fate and destiny are predestined and the one thing I am guaranteed is a visit to my grave. But on my sojourn heading to my grave, what shall I encounter? I fear that I do not know what I need to know to make this trip a successful one.

Now arises the possibility of having a companion to accompany and assist me, and I him, on this short trip of life only to hopefully reach our destination pleasantly, safely, and with the hopes of enjoying it together. So what makes for a good companion on this specific journey? There are so many opinions about what makes one a true friend and a true partner in life, yet I am of the belief that while the general aspects differ we have to hold strong to some key things to make a wise choice.

So do tell, how does one know what one truly needs? How does one find a true companion? For starters, one cannot dissect a partner for there will undoubtedly be faults. There are faults with the travellers, both of them alike. The point is to make sure that they can travel with little discord and a lot of acceptance, tolerance, and mercy for each other. That's right, mercy.

And He has put love and mercy between your hearts, verily in that are signs for those who reflect. We really must reflect on the mercy that the Almighty has bestowed on us. He it is who will give us the peace we need, whenever we might need it; and if your heart is not attached to this world, you will always need to figure out the world as you live in it. It is interesting to note how most emphasize the part about love there, yet love is secondary to mercy, isn't it? Do you truly love someone if you do not show them mercy? Undoubtedly, our Lord loves us, for His mercies are bountiful. To Him do we submit.

It is He who puts love and mercy in our hearts. It is He who we must thank for that feeling. We should never show Him ingratitude for His gift of a companion [and all His gifts really] for any reason, though the worth of the gift is usually reason enough to be grateful. May He protect me from ever being ungrateful for that truly would be an awful state in which to live.

Back to what we were deciphering... what one truly needs. Logically and obviously, one truly needs a companion and friend who is on a journey to the same place. Secondly, one must consider the "indispensable" resources that this person has to offer in order to make this trip a success, insha'Allah. Meaning, the blessings which the Almighty has bestowed on this person. Mind you, they can always be taken away if not worked at and appreciated. Such things include, but are not limited to, humility, beneficial knowledge, and a kind and sound heart. A true Muslim by heart, submitting to his Lord and obeying Him without compromise. True to himself, true to his Lord.

The rest of the essence, to know for sure if this is a true companion for you, cannot be defined so explicitly and you must consult your Creator and your heart to know. Your heart is a tool through which your Creator may choose to bring His guidance to you.

You must remember that in all things there is also the sneaky, arrogant, and shameless one tempting you, confusing you, and prodding you to that which you cannot comprehend. This individual may distract you from that which is better for you. As said, something to the effect... You may love that which is not good for you, yet dislike that which is good for you. He, the shameful one, may tell you that if one lacks the things in this world that are considered superior i.e. high level of secular education, wealth, status, and the like, then this person is not "worthy" to serve as a true friend and companion. 'AuthubiLlah. Seek refuge with Ar-Rahman.

Do recognize though that the accursed one may not necessarily do things which give you a bad feeling, but he may also try to suppress a "bad" feeling that you have. You must be careful. You must figure out if he is distracting you from something good or if he is calling you to do something that your heart is warning you about. Glory be to the Overpowering Lord, for He makes truth prevail over falsehood. If we are led astray, it is but a crime we commit against our own selves. Be patient. Trust Allah. Trust your heart.

If this ends with a tear, I shall decide now to know that there is good in those tears, for surely there will be multiple tears. For every tear, there is a lesson. For every tear, I shall gain strength. For every tear that I appreciate and reflect on and submit with, I am surely getting closer to my goal - to develop a closeness to Al Aziz, the Mighty, the Creator of all things, seen and unseen.

Thank you Allah!


iMuslim said...

Assalamu 'alaykum,

Your entry touched my heart because of my present situation. I never know whether to follow my heart or head, or both, even after praying istikaraah. Is that a sign that i do not trust Allah sufficiently, or that i do not trust myself to recognize the guidance of Allah?

This is something i am always confused about. Once i pray Istikaraah and consult others (or vica versa), should i go with what my heart tells me, or what seems to be the right thing to do, even if the heart is not interested?


Farzeen said...

Wa 'alaykum assalaam dear sister

I guess each person has a way of figuring things out. For myself personally, I look for that which gives me a balance between my heart and mind. The heart is too fickle to trust it alone, and the mind is too rational to trust it alone. The combination of the two is sheer beauty, balance, and peace.

I'm not sure if your confusion on whether to trust your heart or mind indicates anything about your relationship with Allah or how much you trust yourself.

Here's the thing with considering potentials... There are really a lot of good people out there, but good for one isn't necessarily good for another. Then there are a whole lot of superficial things that we sometimes look for in others. But is it something that we need?

If you could have any man in the world, what would he be like? Remember the forward I recently sent you (the husband store), which floor would you have stopped at?

Check yourself to make sure your criteria for a marriage partner is deeper than that which will vanish after the honeymoon period.

When you pray Istikarah, submit yourself to Allah's plan. The du'a of istikarah is so profound. Allow it to touch your heart, and beg of Allah to guide you because He knows all, and it is only Him who has the power to guide us and protect us.

If you follow your nafs, then you could find yourself in a difficult situation. The nafs is pretty superficial and tends to lead us to that which isn't good.

As for your final question, don't go for anything if the heart isn't inclined. Who can really say what the "right thing is to do"? There are way too many broken marriages these days. If you're not feeling it in your heart, say bismiAllah and end it in a dignified way. If you find that your heart is inclined but your mind is always trying to rationalize or justify the situation, then say bismiAllah and leave it alone.

Ask Allah to guide you, for He surely will if you put your trust in Him. Then give yourself some time and space to reflect on it and be insistent when asking Allah for guidance.-- Only He can give you peace. After you have asked Him and you've put some thought into it, consult your heart and your mind. If you're not feeling it, alhamduliAllah, leave it alone. If you are inclined on an emotional and rational level, then say bismiAllah and pursue it, insha'Allah.

"He who depends on Allah, He suffices him." If your heart and mind are balanced and you're content, decide and don't look back. (Unless you feel you were following your nafs and/or Shaytan. Then look back and reassess the situation.)

Sorry for making this so long. I hope it makes sense and is of help. All the best dear sister, insha'Allah.

It really doesn't have to be as complicated as we sometimes make it. I have to remind myself of this each time. Just remember, it's better to be happy and single than to be miserable and married... but it's even better to be happy and married, insha'Allah :). To Him we submit.

Anonymous said...

i've lost all hope in finding a wife that would be good for me, so i'm going to settle with the "happy and single" option instead of the "miserable but married" option.

Farzeen said...

Greetings Anonymous

Well, if you're content, then that's great. Hope is a powerful thing when it is used properly, and when lost entirely it becomes a sad situation.

I must note that my previous comment of "happy and single" instead of "miserable and married" is only to illustrate the importance of having some heart when getting married, i.e. being prepared, as best as possible, for all that it means to be married. Happiness is not ultimately dependent on others, but people often create atmospheres from which we derive our happiness. Happiness isn't the most pressing issue either, I prefer to focus more on contentment, neither of which marriage (by itself) could provide.

Marriage is very beneficial practically and spiritually, but it is also challenging. Often just finding a suitable spouse is challenging, but all people can do is try because ultimately God's plan will prevail. Please read the inspirational hadith on the right side of this page.

Hang on to hope, trust that God's plan is the best and that if by chance you do not marry before death reaches you, know that your prayers have been heard and God willing in the next life you will have something even better than what you've prayed for. Such is the thinking of a Muslim because we believe, "wondrous is the affair of the believer." We submit to Him. Allahu Akbar!

All the best!

Sketched Soul said...

As-salaamu'alaykum wa Rahmatu Llahi wa Barakatuhu my dear Farzeen,

Jazak'Allah for sharing another wonderful, inspiring, and beneficial post :)

(... okay, don't read too much into the 'inspiring'..hehe)


May Allah make it easy for us, and give us success in this world and in the next. Ameen.

Farzeen said...

Wa 'alaykum assalaam wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakaatu ya habeebti :)

I'm trying very hard not to read too much into the ways this post inspires thee... *ahem*...I'm still trying... Okay, I give up..lol.

Wa iyaki and ameen to your du'a.

Plan as we might, my dear, Allah is the best of planners. :)

Anonymous said...

I think my hesitation around marriage is that I don't want to put the burden upon another person to have to live with me. Imposing myself on another person just seems wrong.

Farzeen said...

Fair enough Anonymous, and depending on how you are this may be a very wise approach. I recall Shaykh Faraz Rabbani saying that the legal ruling for marriage in Islam is that it is "permissible" but if you know that you will actual harm the other individual, then in that instant it would be forbidden because if you marry and harm that person it won't be an issue between just you and Your Creator, but it will also include seeking forgiveness for the spouse you wronged. [If I am incorrect in this, someone please correct me.]

Anyway, I'm not saying that this legal point applies to you since I don't know you. You have to assess yourself as objectively as you can (and seek the advice of respectable individuals who know you).

If you are one who genuinely would be "imposing yourself" on another in a bad way, then you can remedy it by working on improving your character, insha'Allah. It's something we all have to do to some extent. Nobody is perfect, and no one can really expect perfection. It's only fair to expect civility and compassion, but certainly not perfection.

You could also just be lacking in confidence, an idea with which I can relate. God's plan is great. If you're a decent individual, with a warm heart, then pursue the idea, in the name of God, and pray for the best. Plan and we might, He is the best of planners, and He knows who is best for you despite your loss of hope. What you may consider is an imposition on another, another may consider a blessing. That's the beauty of differences, and that's the essence, as I see it, of the love and mercy that He, the Almighty, puts into the hearts of those who marry.

[Disclaimer: Marriage, like every bed of roses, has its thorns.]

All the best, God willing!

Farzeen said...

Typo Correction: "..in that instance it will be forbidden..." -- not "instant".

"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]



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"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]