Finding Ourselves

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In recent weeks, I dreamt that one of my co-workers was telling me that another co-worker is successful. Slightly irritated that anyone would make a judgement about another's success, I asked him in my dream, "Why is he successful?" Success, according to my definition, cannot be known by mortals. He responded, "Because he is righteous, he follows the Quran and authentic sunnah, and he is from ahli al bayt." Then I said, "Being from ahlil bayt is a type of rizq. It comes with a great responsibility."

I am certain that the greatest rizq, after iman, is having peace in one's heart. And yet, few of us actively strive for this. Instead, we negotiate life's blessings and ponder how far our dollars will go. Yes, we need money to live, just as we need air to breathe and food to eat, but we are not in this world for the purpose of pursuing these things.

Perhaps the beginning of finding this peace is to know who we are. I venture to guess that we cannot claim sound knowledge about ourselves before the age of 40, but perhaps I'm mistaken. It seems 40 is the golden age because those who have been trying to discover the depths of themselves will understand it after repeated attempts and constant reflections. Life circumstances will also challenge our evolving ideas of who we are and what we are about. 

Today I handled something in a way that is uncharacteristic of me, but I thought it would best support those who I was representing. It so happened that my co-worker didn't think it was handled well either. So why in that moment did I not have the confidence to be me? This is an ideal example of refining my notion of myself, and I am grateful to work with someone who will be honest with me without holding it against me. That in itself is a form of rizq. I know I am hard enough on myself that heat from others won't strengthen my ability to find and act on the best part of me.

Rizq and Allah's gracious bounties comes in many forms. I think most times when we face trouble in our lives, we are simply failing to use that rizq to manage the challenges that are inevitably a part of life. I certainly have struggled to use His graces to be a better me, but I find that He keeps opening new avenues for me. Allah, most Gracious and Merciful is He, has granted this zhaalima an insight into herself. Perhaps I am coming closer to figuring out who I truly am. 

When the tears come, and they must, they are not for the absence of anything, but rather they help carry the responsibilities that comes with Allah's glorious and diverse bounties. I wonder about my co-worker's definition of success. At least the first two parts of his definition are perhaps the closest we can get to an overall articulation of success, yet Allah clearly describes the characteristics of the successful المفلحون in the Quran. It is only logical, then, that we study these ayaat carefully. Perhaps in doing so we can learn to measure ourselves against His, Most Glorified and Supreme is He, description of success. 

اللهم اجعلنا وأحبابنا من المفلحين آمين