Ambition?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

What have you learned Farzeen? In all these months and even years, I should at least be able to muster a respectable answer, but it's blank. My mind is blank. There's some strange phenomenon occurring wherein I seem not to be living in the many moments that make up my days, weeks, and life. If I am not living my days fully in the here and now, then where am I?

What have you learned Farzeen? Straight faced and glazed eyed, I can say that I've lost count of the times when I've been overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude for the parents and family with which Allah has graciously favoured  me. Perhaps many of my days are still lived with them despite the physical distance. A tear escapes. 

What have you learned Farzeen? Nothing of this world is real. Ideas, dreams, stories, relationships, hopes, fears, and all the rest of this world are mere decorative features of this journey we call life. The reality of it is hidden beneath, but I've yet to see beyond these illusions. I'm trying to turn them away. I want nothing of them. Nothing. 

What have you learned Farzeen? Self-constructed ideas are one of our greatest enemies, and worst is when we justify their presence in our lives as if the meaning of ambition is choosing or carving a future for ourselves. Kalla. Ambition is the realization that we are active in making decisions about our immediate reality -  that is, our reactions to whatever Allah puts in front of us. 

Ambition is consciously striving to use any goodness in ourselves for the betterment of humanity - past, present, and future. Ambition is not putting a desired objective on a pedestal and chasing it, but it is promising ourselves to utilize every situation to draw closer to Allah, for His sake alone. In that is not only worthwhile ambition but it is self-liberation. Servitude.

I seek freedom from the intensity of my nafs and its pathetic weaknesses. I seek freedom from my laziness that fails to utilize the infinite blessings that are weaved in my life. I seek a better me who won't justify her weaknesses but will be honest about them and consciously stand in opposition to them. 

Allah continuously sends so many beautiful people in my life. I never understand why they open their hearts to me, and yet by Allah's grace, some do, and I should be a better person because of it. I should, could, would, but I'm not. Why?

March 13, 2016 

12:18 am

Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas(ra) reports:

“One day I was riding (a horse/camel) behind the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, when he said, ‘Young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of God, and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Him, and you shall find Him at your side. If you ask, ask of God. If you need help, seek it from God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together in order to help you, they would not be able to help you except if God had written so. And if the whole world were to gather together in order to harm you, they would not harm you except if God had written so. The pens have been lifted, and the pages are dry.’ ”

Related by Tirmidhi

Translation from 40hadithnawawi.com