بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

It seems no matter where I run to or where I run from, I can't get away from my life's only predicament. That which I conceptualize intellectually, I fail to manifest realistically. It is an endless cycle. Over and over and over again. I've thought it, said it, written it, and yet I go back around again.

It is my life's Rubik's cube and while my vision is blinded to various colours on the cube, I don't believe that not solving it is an answer or an option.

Some days I take off my glasses, blurry-eyed to every colour, and I throw the cube into the deepest and darkest hole that I can find. But I still don't forget it. Eventually, I put on my glasses again and glance at it from afar. My heart wants to reach for it, yet my hands don't. I then recall the words "love thyself" as that may be the only obstacle keeping me from it. Nonetheless, I turn away making the first of many bad choices.

But the heart remembers. It always remembers. I extend my hand to touch the cube from afar, but I am much too afraid to attempt to work at it. What is there to fear? 

But the mind still remembers. It always remembers. I hold the cube in my hand, secretly thrilled at this mini step while simultaneously grieving the predictable expectation of no progress. I release it.

And I cry because my heart and mind know better. I will be judged by what they know is truth while I busy myself with my self-imposed recklessness and heedlessness.

الله المستعان.
 اللهم اغفر لي وجميع المسلمين آمين.

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"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]



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"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]