Reconfiguring

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

قال يحيى بن معاذ: حقيقة الحب في الله لا يزيد بالبر و لا ينقص بالجفاء

Most of us are prisoners to at least some things that we experience in this world. Sometimes it is innocent enough, but with misunderstood perspectives and expectations, it can easily deviate into a villainous plague that firmly roots itself in the heart. 

I have tried, most unsuccessfully, to free myself of one such trap. I shouldn't care, and I wonder why I do. I realize that it's not the actual relationships that bother me as they make no immediate difference in my life.

I don't play games with people and I try to be clear with them about where I stand in relationships, yet I've had the common life experience of being connected with those who I can say that I love for the sake of Allah but who I'm upset with for the sake of my nafs. Why? Because they initiated and made claims about our friendship that they've made no effort to uphold. It's been a few years brewing as such and meetings have since tasted the change in my heart. I do love them for Allah's sake, but I wish I could suffice myself with that and not be upset by their excuses for not keeping in touch. 

I recall the story of a righteous man who was of great character. When asked about it, he said that every time he noted a characteristic in someone that he found displeasing, he ensured that he freed himself of it. It is absolutely true that that which we see in others is a mere reflection of ourselves. So the hurt that I feel when I think of the "friends" who don't honour their claims to our friendship is doubly troublesome as it points to my own shortcomings. I owe these shadow friends my gratitude, in the least, for this realization, and I hope that I can remember to be grateful should we ever meet again. 

I have another friend, who I love for Allah's sake, that knowingly falls short in reciprocating correspondences. I imagine it to be very deliberate, but I understand it as there are no claims that suggest it should be otherwise. True enough, some things warrant responses, but I don't consider them my right because of the nature of the relationship.

I try to make sense of the difference in these relationships, and I wonder if it's placed in loving for the sake of Allah. The former, I wish the best for and want to love for only Allah's sake, but I'm not sure if I know how that would be yet. As for the latter, I am assured that it is love for Allah's sake alone as there is nothing shared between us except that I find it makes me a better me for which I am eternally grateful wa hatha min fadhli Rabbi. 

The lesson? Expect nothing even in the face of promises. Do what you do for Allah's sake alone, and seek only His pleasure. I'm optimistic, bi ithnillah wa bi mashiatihi, that I can at least try to frame any new friendships in such a way, inshaAllah, but I will be happy if my heart can reconfigure the distant friendships that now feel so disappointingly... untrue. 

"It's about Allah and nothing else." There is much work to be done. 

May Allah grant us the strength to be true to our covenant with Him and may He grant us sincerity with Him in all our affairs, ameen!

اللهم افتح علينا و اهدنا الصراط المستقيم. 

رب زدني علما