Problem Solving

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

"Keeping in touch is the simplest token of love." - Sara B.

Problem:
With two equal values, how do we get to The One?
1 ☐ 1 = 1

I over-think things sometimes. I can't help myself because if things are not right, then they must be wrong. And if they're wrong, then there has to be a reason. In the case of relationships, I potentially carry half the responsibility for the errors. Thus, I need to figure out my role in sorting things out. That sounds easy enough on paper, but it never really works that way for me in reality.

Relationships, regardless their type, increase in complexity alongside an increase in intensity until they eventually (or rarely) hit a plateau of mutual understanding, shared conflict resolution, and a commitment to sincerely care. For me, a friendship, by definition, means mutual care. An overly simplistic and naive thought perhaps.

I've been trying to make sense of balancing friendships and really all relationships in my life for most of the last year, and I think now, as sleep mocks me, I have some insight into it. Simply, perhaps it requires that I figure out how to maintain a sincere distance. By that, I mean to possess a sincere concern for another while having enough of an emotional distance to not expect the same in return. This is quite the challenge because relationships, by design, are two way streets.

While I speak of friendships, I must acknowledge that I have failed others in the meaning of a true friend as much as others have disappointed me in my expectations of our supposed shared friendship. Nonetheless, when I consider relationships, I often recall a tidbit of wisdom that a sister once shared with me. I think it comes from the likes of Imam Al Ghazali, but I could be entirely mistaken. It is said that if you ask someone "Kayfa haaluk?" or in everyday English, "How are you?" and he expresses distress or is having trouble with anything, then the questioner is obliged to help (to the best of his ability). Why? Well, what's the point in asking the question if you don't care for a truthful answer? And if the truthful answer is one of distress, then doesn't one's humanity oblige one to care enough to try to help remove that distress? Really, it's something to think about. I think this entire idea is filled with treasures that are useful in understanding sincerity and the beauty of relationships.

Relationships are a place for giving, not getting. While a mutual concern would be a beautiful thing, it is a high expectation that I think is misplaced in some ways. Why? Because Allah is He who gives. When we serve His creations, it is in service of Him. When we receive from His creations, it is a gift from Him. This has nothing to do with individuals, but only has to do with Him.

Broken hearts need only be repaired with the glue of iman. As for the rest, consider it water under the bridge. Life is too short to expect others to be what we cannot be even for our own selves.

Solution:
1 - 1 = 0 ✗
1 ÷ 1 = 1 ✓

1 + 1 = 2 ✗
1 x 1 = 1 ✓

∴ To reach The One when dealing with two souls, each weighing the same in the eyes of man, multiply the good and divide your love for His sake. Addition and subtraction are futile.

"This isn't about me and never has been. It's about Allah, and nothing else."
- A voice of wisdom



Maher Zain - Number One For Me

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Update:
This needed a home, so I guess it's going here.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

When that door was open, I had every indication that it was a threshold of value, a friendship that was beyond superficial political correctness, one that enjoyed good, discouraged thoughts of weakness and error, and turned away the threat of poison amid a sweet spring. Surpassing all, its words called to excellence with an air of respect, humility, and gratitude. I miss it a lot.

Feb. 16, 2012