Breadcrumbs

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

It's late, and I should be sleeping. I have been been coughing severely for a few days with lingering signs of illness. A concoction of oregano and thyme seeped in hot water encouraged me to leave my attempts at slumber. I detest the flavour of the beverage, but it is a means through which Allah may grant shifa.

Be warned, my speech henceforth will seem all the more misplaced, but there is a moment I must attempt to capture in words.

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It is not in words nor on paper. It is not in experiences or encounters. It is like sweet honey that can only be retrieved from bees that frequent desert vegetation. The mirage is as easily accessible as ‹‹كُن فَيَكُونُ›› and as difficultly removed as ‹‹وَخُلِقَ الْإِنْسَانُ ضَعِيفًا››.

For the one hoping for a share, it's worth remembering ‹‹قَالَ كَذَلِكَ اللَّهُ يَفْعَلُ مَا يَشَاءُ ››.

What a dreadful state it is to find oneself in internal opposition to His will. Perhaps it is not opposition to His will, but wondering if His will coincides with one's own and where the two meet or at which point one must change it to be like His.

Does everyone leave a trail of breadcrumbs? If so, what becomes of them? Are there any who eventually find the trail and join it? If not, should one bother with the trail?

Feb 14, 2012
11:41 PM - Agdal, Rabat

*So many months later, I no longer have any idea what breadcrumbs is referencing, but perhaps in years to come I'll give it a new interpretation, inshaAllah. Now I know how readers feel when or if they read this blog.

Problem Solving

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

"Keeping in touch is the simplest token of love." - Sara B.

Problem:
With two equal values, how do we get to The One?
1 ☐ 1 = 1

I over-think things sometimes. I can't help myself because if things are not right, then they must be wrong. And if they're wrong, then there has to be a reason. In the case of relationships, I potentially carry half the responsibility for the errors. Thus, I need to figure out my role in sorting things out. That sounds easy enough on paper, but it never really works that way for me in reality.

Relationships, regardless their type, increase in complexity alongside an increase in intensity until they eventually (or rarely) hit a plateau of mutual understanding, shared conflict resolution, and a commitment to sincerely care. For me, a friendship, by definition, means mutual care. An overly simplistic and naive thought perhaps.

I've been trying to make sense of balancing friendships and really all relationships in my life for most of the last year, and I think now, as sleep mocks me, I have some insight into it. Simply, perhaps it requires that I figure out how to maintain a sincere distance. By that, I mean to possess a sincere concern for another while having enough of an emotional distance to not expect the same in return. This is quite the challenge because relationships, by design, are two way streets.

While I speak of friendships, I must acknowledge that I have failed others in the meaning of a true friend as much as others have disappointed me in my expectations of our supposed shared friendship. Nonetheless, when I consider relationships, I often recall a tidbit of wisdom that a sister once shared with me. I think it comes from the likes of Imam Al Ghazali, but I could be entirely mistaken. It is said that if you ask someone "Kayfa haaluk?" or in everyday English, "How are you?" and he expresses distress or is having trouble with anything, then the questioner is obliged to help (to the best of his ability). Why? Well, what's the point in asking the question if you don't care for a truthful answer? And if the truthful answer is one of distress, then doesn't one's humanity oblige one to care enough to try to help remove that distress? Really, it's something to think about. I think this entire idea is filled with treasures that are useful in understanding sincerity and the beauty of relationships.

Relationships are a place for giving, not getting. While a mutual concern would be a beautiful thing, it is a high expectation that I think is misplaced in some ways. Why? Because Allah is He who gives. When we serve His creations, it is in service of Him. When we receive from His creations, it is a gift from Him. This has nothing to do with individuals, but only has to do with Him.

Broken hearts need only be repaired with the glue of iman. As for the rest, consider it water under the bridge. Life is too short to expect others to be what we cannot be even for our own selves.

Solution:
1 - 1 = 0 ✗
1 ÷ 1 = 1 ✓

1 + 1 = 2 ✗
1 x 1 = 1 ✓

∴ To reach The One when dealing with two souls, each weighing the same in the eyes of man, multiply the good and divide your love for His sake. Addition and subtraction are futile.

"This isn't about me and never has been. It's about Allah, and nothing else."
- A voice of wisdom



Maher Zain - Number One For Me

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Update:
This needed a home, so I guess it's going here.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

When that door was open, I had every indication that it was a threshold of value, a friendship that was beyond superficial political correctness, one that enjoyed good, discouraged thoughts of weakness and error, and turned away the threat of poison amid a sweet spring. Surpassing all, its words called to excellence with an air of respect, humility, and gratitude. I miss it a lot.

Feb. 16, 2012

Do we...?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

We take it for granted, that we do.That we can smile or blink. That we can run or cry. That we can chew or jog on the spot. That we can read a word, both forwards and backwards. That we can contemplate and evaluate. That we can congratulate and regret. That we can bow and prostrate and stand with complete stillness and attention. Yes, we take it for granted. That we do.

This course of life is change. We hope that the change will mean improvements as moments fold one into the next - days turn quickly into weeks, months, and years. Sand in the time glass seems determined. For many, however, life does not always bear improvements. Logic suggests then that it is a waste, but I have to see that even utter failures are tools or lessons that can eventually force a wrong turn to move the right way.

I don't search for some of my wrongs as enough are blatantly obvious, but perhaps I dwell on the worthless symptoms while missing the root causes entirely. Some diagnoses are much too heavy to acknowledge inwardly, nonetheless, a window should at least remain open should one hope for their existences to be realized.

This moment, though brief, can and should at least be an expression of gratitude. It is only the beginning, but perhaps it will eventually lead to servitude.

اللهم اجعلنا من الشاكرين و من الطاهرين و من عبادك الصالحين، آمين