Half Full

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I have been wanting and even attempting to write something decent and sensible for quite some time. For better or worse, I've been unable to lend words to my thoughts. Given that I'm not a person of too many spoken words, it has been a time of contemplative silence.

Alhamdu lillah wa ash-shukr lillah, I returned home a few weeks ago after almost four months of another attempt to make some advances in Arabic. I hardly consider the fruits of my trip much progress given that I'm more challenged in the language than a grade one student. In fact, I could almost call it a failure, but it definitely was an experience of personal growth. Three things became apparent to me in my life. The first is that I really missed not having interactions with children. The second is that companionship is invaluable. And lastly, I learned that in my almost 30 years of life I've achieved nothing.

My grandmother returned to her Lord during this time, الله يرحمها و جميع المسلمين و المسلمات آمين and it was another opportunity to pause and consider what it is that I want from life and how I'm attempting to achieve my goals. I don't think I have been at peace with myself since my return home from Yemen about four years ago. But now, with the acceptance that those things that I hope for myself are things that I am not capable of achieving, I realize that I will only do what Allah allows me to do. I will only have what He favours me with. My peace is not in achieving or even articulating beautiful goals, but it is in reminding myself that I live for the moment when I will stand before my Lord. I will stand before Him impoverished, but inshaAllah with the hope of His good pleasure. I don't belong anywhere except where He places me.

I felt a strangeness in new lands despite that I now miss aspects of it, and likewise the strangeness continues here at home despite having missed some things when I was away. Every situation requires sacrifices and yet it also offers a unique treasure. It really is up to the individual to recognize those treasures and their source - The Source.

I have no plans ahead of me except to live one day at a time. Perhaps I'm now digesting my understanding of the ideals that I've often articulated on this blog but that I've neglected in practice. Nothing is really as it seems on the surface. There is no "other side;" but if you think you're there, you'll see that it is not greener. There is only now to live and serve, to be and to be better. There is no perfection. There is no ideal. There is no forever in that which meets the eye.

I ask for your du'as for me, my loved ones, and this entire world. Be strong. Allah, Most Glorified is He, will be for us as we hope.

حسبنا الله و نعم الوكيل


Abu Bakr Sadiq said...

Beautiful reflection...food for thought. Sorry about your grandmother...Allahumma adkhilhaa faseeh al Jinaan.


Farzeen said...

Assalamu'alaykum wa rahmatullah Sidi

Ameen to your du'as. JazakAllahu khayr.

"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]



Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner


"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]