Midnight Craving

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

I have a craving to savour the night sky, to sleep beneath the stars, and to smile at the radiant moon. It's been two years since then. Two nights ago, as I spotted the moon and searched the stars for a recognizable constellation, my mind overpowered my heart to make my way into the building. With snow-filled treads, I turned away from the beautiful sky and enjoyed the remaining steps that led to the entryway of my destination.

Isn't life like that sometimes? Our minds sometimes overpower our hearts, for better or for worse, and vice versa. I seek to achieve a balance between the two, but such an ideal is increasingly more difficult to possess.

Matha biki? I remember her asking me that night. I wasn't in a state that could engage in chatter nor could I share in their laughter. My enjoyment of their joyous moment was periphery, though sincere. Matters that weighed on my heart begged my attention, and though I hadn't the know-how to ease their burden, I allowed them to collapse into puddles of my confusion.

Since then, I've become less adept, and now the challenges between heart and mind have no way to a solution. The heart, being a bit fickle, wants to hold onto sweet delights though they may be illusory. And the mind is left with conflicts, weighing things that really don't need to be weighed. Considering, contemplating, and finding no end to put calm into a distressed heart.

So where does that leave things? I wish I knew.

May Allah guide us. May He enlighten us with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. May He bless us with the clarity of truth in our lives, and may He give us the means to experiencing tranquillity with Him, ameen.

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"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]



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"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]