Weakness

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

I cannot claim that I love you for I do not follow you as one would follow her beloved. But I long for you, ya Habib. I hope for a way to come to you, to know you, to love you, and to be united with you.

These days I am trying even harder to keep you and your reality in mind. But there is a great weakness in my commitment to you for reasons that I cannot process intellectually. Why would one want other than your love? Why would one who has no conflict with your personage or with a single word or action or decision attributed to you look for anything other than the sweetness of your company?

I met those who claim to love you, and I noted that their claim is followed by actions. Their patient smiles are only on account of following your way. Their gentle words emulate your character. Their anger, expressed only for His sake, reflects your anger. When my eyes met theirs, I knew that that which I thought I shared with you was in fact a mere illusion.

But in my hopes, in my long hopes, I hope that perhaps this longing is a seed of love that will eventually grow and perhaps even blossom. Perhaps one day I will be amongst those who shall be honoured to stand with you. I need not greet you. I need not know that you know me. The One knows me. And He has honoured you. For this reason, I want to see you. May my eyes one day behold your blessed presence, O you who is beloved to the One who has power over all, He who deserves all praises. To Him shall we return. You are the precursor, and His manifestation is the epitome of success and rewards.

You are my means to Him. You are the one who I need to walk with in order to get to that sweet end. You are the only one from creation that I want encompassing my life. But I remind myself again that these are only words. Perhaps one day actions will follow. Perhaps one day. Until then, forgive me. Forgive me for the great time that I have wasted and continue to waste wandering through meadows far from your reach. I wrong you not, and only I feel the pain of my misdirection. Forgive me for belittling love.

May God's peace and blessings be upon you ya Habibullah, and upon your family and your companions, and those who love you. May He unite us, those of us who long for your company and love, in the best of places and in the best of ways. Ameen.

***

Al Mahabba Awards 2008
Muhammad Nabina
صلى الله عليه و سلم
with Hamada Helal




Update 08-08-09:

Al Qasidah Al Muhammadiyah
with Ahbab Al Mustafa


(Al Qasidah Al Muhammadiyah is a cherished qasidah. You can watch a video which includes the Arabic and English text here.)

عليه الصلاة و السلام

1 comment:

Mustafa said...

Assalam a'laikum sister,

Awesome post it is...awesome naats they are...

Jazak' Allah

"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]

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"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]