Walk With Me - Part II

BismiLlahir Rahmanir Rahim

... a continuation

When people ask us "What's it like being a twin?" we can only respond with a similar question, "What's it like not being a twin?" It's the only way we know. Our sisterhood is something we can take for granted, but our friendship, though transient in nature, is something that not all twins share.

It's not easy trying to articulate the specifics, and a part of me really doesn't want to. But for the sake of making a clear connection, I will have to try.

Our sisterhood, as with other familial relations, means that we'll eventually forgive each other. If we really need the other, we can eventually find the other helping. If we need someone to listen to our confusion and offer some insights, we can find this person with ease. If we need the reminder of another's compassion, care, and love, we need only spend some quality time together. If we need something as drastic as a kidney, we need only ensure that the doctors are prepared to perform the surgery.

Our friendship, as I've never seen in any other (parents excluded), means we forgive each other before the wrongdoing is complete. If only the thought of some basic need comes to mind, we find the other already facilitating its acquisition. If we speak to each other, any angst or distress present soon vanishes. We never seek a reminder of the other's love, compassion, and care as its evident in all our interactions. And if we ever need something as urgently as a heart transplant, we would only settle on sharing that one heart knowing that one's loss would be too great for the other to bear.

You might think that I'm exaggerating in my descriptions, but in essence, it's the complete truth. The friendship we have shared indicates that we care for each other more than ourselves and the other person's pain hurts us far more than our own. Our individual successes are shared by us both with equal enthusiasm, and we embrace being true to ourselves while in each other's company. Perhaps this is exactly what is meant by sakinah - tranquility, or to be at complete ease with another. It's a beautiful thing, alhamduliAllah.

But how does this all relate to marriage? In her life, it means that her best friend needs to be her husband. Their relationship is eternal in nature, unlike our own, and necessitates their complete commitment. In my life, it means that my closest attachment has to be beyond the tangible. Let me elaborate.

God blesses marriages with love, mercy, and tranquility (mawadah, rahmah, wa sakinah), and by virtue of such blessings, one might expect that married couples share all that I described above. We do not doubt, not for even a nanosecond, that God's promises are true. He has equipped all marriages with these essential items of true companionship that will hopefully be utilized by both husband and wife as they strive for something greater than the superficial and ephemeral.

Marriage is nothing other than a means to helping us achieve our goal of coming closer to our Lord and serving Him as He invites us to do, and yet, this beauty of sakinah and companionship is not easily visible among most married couples. Yes, I know, marriage is difficult. Growing up, my sister and I bickered enough for me to know that discord is a part of life. But how often do couples get through it and use it to improve their relationships? God only knows.

Again, I readily admit that I am in no position to speak about marriage. But if I can articulate my hopes in this regard, it would be that husbands and wives are also best friends. It goes beyond their obligations to each other as spouses and it embraces love and mercy manifesting itself into a life of tranquility, God willing.

The difference between marriage and friendship is that Shaytan prides himself and his people on destroying marriages, and he will fight couples relentlessly to achieve this end. As I've heard from teachers, the way to combat his interference is for both husband and wife to unite as they fill their home with dhikr, the remembrance of God. Shaytan is repelled by this, and it will deter his hopes. Please don't give him the pleasure of destroying a relationship that has the potential to grow into a beautiful abode in this chaotic world.

Sometimes though, some marriages just don't work. And God knows best why that it is. If such should occur, it still remains an obligation on both husband and wife to separate in a good way. As my father says, "Start with dignity, and end with dignity."

For those who are single and may never marry, there is something profound in it too. Should Allah will for you to marry, you will marry. And if not, you won't. It's as simple as that. But do you think that Ar Raheem, The Most Mericful, does not have something sweet for you too? Kalla, no. Have a good opinion of your Lord, and you'll always find sweetness in front of you, God willing.

As I tell myself now, there are two doors from which we (married or single) can enter into this sweetness - the love of the Quraan and the love of HabibiLlah, the beloved of God, Prophet Muhammad, may God's peace and blessings be upon him and his family. In fact, we all must strive to enter from both doors, and know that Allah will send us what we need, be it marriage or otherwise, if we truly seek success with Him alone.

For more information (this is my very polite way of insisting) about developing a relationship with Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, listen to these lessons (and this one in Arabic), insha'Allah.


iMuslim said...

When people ask us "What's it like being a twin?" we can only respond with a similar question, "What's it like not being a twin?"I have the exact same type of question thrown at me, when people learn that I am an only child. "What's it like being an only child?".

Umm... to what am I meant to compare? Maybe they suspect that I had siblings at one point, but I wasn't one for sharing, and got rid of them somehow. :)

Shireen said...

Aww subhan'Allah, I being the twin so favorably portrayed, which bad english and spelling skills will continue to add my two cents :)

Being a twin with my twin is like this...it's like trusting yourself..it's like having yourself away from yourself. And knowing if there's anything u can go to someone who you trust as u would yourself. I doubt anyone could say that..eh?..Yah deeep stuff we're talking about here!

In regards to marriage, being a twin has it's negative aspects. I grew up always worrying about someone, and someone always worrying about me. To such a degree we become one and complete. Our scarifice is never felt like one cuz the other person completes it. This isn't so in marriage, and it's hard to shake the expectation after being used to it for so long. But you learn, and move on, and pray Allah swt gives u more patience. I once read that twins make the best spouses cuz they grow up dealing very closely with the same person...esp identical (I would imagine for a vast majority of twins). But maybe the twin is ideal in that sense doesn't mean they marry someone like their twin. Not to be negative here..but my sister is always going to be my best friend, and my husband is a husband with a different role all together :)

I can't take years of life and experience, suddenly marry and expect to find that in my spouse...not yet at least :) And perhaps the longer I stay married, maybe the further my sis and I will be (in experience etc.) But still ain't no one i trust more than her! *MWAAAAAH* ..that love is undescribable, and the greatest blessing in my entire life! Alhamdulialh

Farzeen said...

Assalaamu'alaykum iMuslim and Shireen

Thanks for stopping by :) and sharing your thoughts.

iMuslim.... lol.. that's funny. I guess people don't think about their questions sometimes, and I speak of myself first.

Shireen: Marhaban! You don't have bad English and spelling aint no thing... you're more articulate than me and if I have to find all your writings (published or not) to prove it...uhm, well, no I won't really look for 'em ...lol.

Moving right along... as for marriage... hmm... to simplify it, I think that it needs 100% of each spouse's sincerity. Regardless if words define your husband as a best friend or a husband in that specific role, I pray that Allah blesses you with nothing short of the best in this world and the next, ameen thumma ameen!

AlhamduliAllah for everything. All praises and thanks belong to Him, the Almighty, alone.

Mwaaahh! May Allah unite us in Jannah habibti..insha'Allah wa ameen!

"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]



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"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]