Unintended Rejuvenation

BismiAllah

*Wind were you the breath from the lips of the Prophet (peace be upon him) carrying wisdom to thirsty ears?* - Dawud W. Ali

Like the changing winds, I am forced to acknowledge the beauty of renewed direction. One step backwards has taken me two steps forward, praise be to God.

My last post on this blog expressed my intention to cease blogging. Among the useful comments following the post was that of MuslimBro whose comments are the source of inspiration for this post.

I owe him an apology, the premise of which has occupied my thoughts and has helped me to assess myself. My response to his comment was, as I see now, ridiculous. I said, "I'll refrain from blogging until I have something substantial and worthwhile to say that may benefit any readers." There will never be a time when I can say to myself that what I have to say will be substantial or worthwhile to anyone besides myself. SubhanAllah! The arrogance of the statement is shameful, and I seek Allah's guidance and protection from such thinking. I also denied that writing is a gift, and that too is sheer stupidity on my part. May Allah forgive me for it, for no doubt He has blessed with me a lot and the ability to write is definitely a blessing and gift from Him. By recognizing this blessing, I am no doubt obliged to use it in a good way.

So to blog or not to blog? Well, I have benefited from exerting some energy into articulating my incoherence, but I question why it is that I felt relief after my decision to cease blogging. I have an idea of reasons for this relief which I think I discovered from my response to Farhana's comments on my last post. I told her that my posts have gradually weakened since the onset of this blog. When I said that, I was referring to the quality of writing. But it's not the writing itself that I find weakness in, rather it is the intention and/or motivating factor behind the writing. SubhanAllah... I sense a change there that I don't like, and which I believe may be harmful to myself.

I tend to get frustrated with myself for not putting my money where my mouth is, and this blog is clearly my mouth. This is another deterrent. However, with that said, I know there is greatness in step-by-step progression. For example, it is a general trend in society that people enter university, pick a program, and move forward with it as long as they are able and willing or as long as they have achieved adequate credentials. My university experience was far from that, and will likely continue to remain that way. I decided to graduate one year earlier than initially intended because I didn't want to have a degree just for the heck of it. I feel as though I need to pursue other things in life before perhaps considering going back to further my education for the sake of achieving other purposes. Blogging is no different I think. My writing on this blog compared to my writing in notebooks is quite different. I think in some ways, at this point in my life, I do need this outlet as an introspective endeavour -- but on condition...

The condition is one and the same, God willing, with everything in life, and that is that it helps me to move closer to the ultimate goal of purifying myself and coming closer to Allah. If it does not help me in my servitude to my Creator, it is worthless. That goes with everything and anything in life.

"Actions are based on intentions, and he will have what is intended for him." Thus, I will likely resume blogging as long as I can keep my intentions clear and use it as a source of healthy progression, God willing. If not, may Allah help me to see the wretchedness in my misdirected deeds, ameen.

Jazakum Allah khayr previous commentators for being the means through which Allah has allowed me to see my errors. May He continue to favour you with His blessings, and cause us all to meet Him when He is pleased with us, ameen!