المشتاقة

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I gesture to wipe them away, but they've yet to be shed. Harboured deep inside, given no voice, they're hardly said. But the heart has forgotten not, for it delights at the knowledge while grieving its cessation. Perhaps it's greed that incites a palpitation. Stillness occurs but rarely. And in such moments, one wonders. Perhaps it is an infatuation. Perhaps it is a hopeful mirage. Time continues to take its course, but the voiceful echo of "This is true!" resounds firmly. Thus questions float and tears halt. How can they descend in a desert? A heart that harbours only its desires is at manifest fault.

So let the will to transcend overcome the invitation to wonder. What has passed will remain complete, and what will come is not by one's personal accord. This is a lesson most cannot afford. For choosing other than the way of good is not an option. It is a notion that will never be indulged. Its consumption releases a poison. Death before death is ignorance. Truth is beyond us and belongs to Him.

May we live in His way, by His laws, earning His closeness and good pleasure. May we be strangers to other than what He wills. May we be firm in progressing, in loving, in existing for His sake alone. Ameen.

جمعنا ربنا
هو يعرف ما في قلوبنا
هذه نعمة منه
فنسأله وحده
الخير لنا
و الفتح علينا
و القربى إليه
جل جلاله
آمين


Update: 04/06/2011

My statement "death before death is ignorance" referred to the death of the spiritual heart before the physical heart. But here is something else to think about in terms of truly living.

Imam Abdullah ibn 'Alawi al Haddad was heard to say, "We should now be counted with the dead for all our worldly appetites have died and we find in us not the slightest inclination nor desire for anything of this world, whether it be food, clothes, or any other thing; and in all these I find no pleasure. However, when food is placed before us we eat what we can to conform. This has been our state for quite some time now. Prior to this, I had for these things a very weak inclination which has now disappeared, even though you may observe me behaving and speaking differently with the people. The Prophet, may God's blessings and peace be upon him, has said, 'Die before you die!'" He once remarked that those who come to know the illusory nature of the world become detached from it even though they may be disbelievers who expect no Day of Judgment. He said, "All religions have united in vilifying it, yet all the communities to whom those religions were sent are united in loving it. And he remarked that as much as a third of the Quran is aimed at dispraising the world and encouraging people to renounce it.

[Sufi Sage of Arabia, pg. 40-41]

-H20

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

All praise belongs to Allah, Lord of the heavens and earth and all that exists. All gratitude is due to Him, He who is the source of peace.

Clothed in silence, it must not matter that words fail to encompass emotion, intent, and existence. Each day, the essence goes a little deeper becoming a little less accessible.

We each hold our breath as we eagerly dive deep into the waters of life ambitiously exploring an oxygen-less world. But with each enjoyable dive, we must return to the surface. And that we do, time and time again, to take our share of necessity before we plunge into the depths below.

But I wonder, what is it that engages our efforts, time, and interests such that we exert ourselves to disillusion perceiving ourselves as capable of frolicking in a water-filled world? Perhaps it's not an illusion, but a hope that extends beyond good sense.

I will myself to leave the enchanting waves, but my will goes no further than knowing that at some point I must return to the truth by which I was created to live. In the movement of undercurrents, I search for the meaning of life above the surface. Ironic, isn't it? From beneath the surface I stare in wonderment at life above wondering why existence seems so effortless.

We were created for and with a purpose, and each part of that which makes us who we are will only serve us in achieving that purpose. It really depends on whether we are wise enough to learn how to use these parts in the way that befits their very existence, or if we shall continue exerting our beings in ways that do not serve our purpose all the while wondering when and how we can achieve the goal of our existence.
يا أرحم الراحمين فرج على المسلمين ...آمين

A Great Purpose

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

الحمد لله رب العالمين و الصلاة و السلام على الحبيب محمد المصطفى و على آله و صحبه و سلم

All praises belong to Allah alone, from whom we ask for guidance and protection, upon whom we depend, and to whom we will return by His grace, mercy, and will. Praise be to Him who has placed us in this world and has not created anything with idle purpose. Gratitude is owed to Him who has elevated human kind and made subservient all of His creations for our benefit. Transcendent is He whose rights over us are obvious and certain and whose mercy is encompassing and generous.

In recent days, He - most glorified and exalted is He - blessed this humble community with an honoured guest. Many sipped at the fountain of his knowledge, character, and his efforts to call people to strive towards states of greater insight and purpose. As I reflect on the last few days, I'm still very much at a loss for words as my heart still tries to absorb the whole experience. It is a sign, and signs by their nature point to something other than themselves. Shaykh Yahya Rhodus, in his talks that punctuated the lessons given to us by Al Habib Umar bin Muhammad bin Hafiz, - الله يحفظه - repeatedly mentioned that a return to prophetic guidance and Quranic teachings are not only possible but necessary. The only thing that holds us back from achieving anything of this sort is ourselves. And really, it requires a great deal of reflection on our current circumstances and what we want out of our lives, and it requires sincerity in making changes to reach our lofty potential.

It is not befitting for humans, those of sound intellect, to doubt their Lord's majesty, transcendence, and supreme power over all things. And we must recognize that in His infinite wisdom and generosity, He keeps opening doors for us, one after another, to improve ourselves and to cleanse ourselves of the stains, hardships, and angst that we adorn ourselves with as we label it reality. "Reality" is that we have a limited time to live in ways that call to good and that recognizes our position in this world. Interestingly, lessons in these last few days, as I saw them, cradle messages quite like those that distinguished revelations in the Makkan period. That is to say that they seemed to invite us to establish a firm belief in the Oneness of Allah, to recognize His Lordship, and to see His prophet - may peace and blessings be upon him - as one whom He has honoured and by whose example we can learn to rectify our states both outwardly and inwardly.

Taking a step back, we must ask ourselves: Why do we love our teachers? Why are our hearts moved by their presence, prayers, and words? Why do we feel as though opportunities are lost when we cannot attend gatherings with them? Why do we shadow them and wait anxiously for their counsel? Because they, unlike us, have grasped wisdom, revelation, knowledge, and understanding with a passionate ferocity and made it their life's concern to live in the service of that which is pleasing in the sight of Allah. They are the ones who when they read "..and these are the successful..." in the Quran, they heed the advice and persevere with Quranic counsel. They are the ones who do not belittle prophethood and its role in their lives. They are the ones who turn away from cheap prices that are offered for their soulful identities, and instead they live saying "labayka Allahumma labayk." This is where we all need to be. But at the beginning of all this rests one thing - knowledge.

Perhaps we look at our beloved shuyukh and teachers as some sort of GPS units that will lead us to the state of raised human conditions. Perhaps excitement for their company comes from the anticipation that they will lead us to our destination. In some ways, they will. But they're not "quick fixes" for us, and we must prepare ourselves to work, to learn, to struggle with ourselves rejecting all that is perceived as norms when they go against prophetic teachings. We need to be active in our movement towards greatness, but awakening an almost dead heart is not easy, and it is only by Allah's generosity and grace that we will find ourselves with the means to do so.

I like to look at the past few days as part of the means, and I pray that the good that has been gathered can be utilized and eventually increases with Allah's blessings. It is a great and severe error and a great and severe mockery of good to neglect striving to lead better spiritual lives.

As I say this, I know there will be many slips ahead, but Allah is generous, and we must maintain a good opinion of Him and depend on Him for guidance. And we must know that He will facilitate that which is best for us, and He will take care of us.

ربنا تقبل منا انك أنت السميع العليم و تب علينا انك أنت التواب الرحيم
يا ربنا اهدنا الصراط المستقيم يا أرحم الراحمين يا أرحم الراحمين يا أرحم الراحمين...آمين

Tangles

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

لا حول و لا قوة الا بالله العلي العظيم

When there is a conflict between active engagement and serene submission, we will find that our manifestations of both efforts are amiss. If I perceive something as good and pursue it full heartedly only to find myself in tangles of frustration, then I must know that at some point I am failing to submit. Submission is not to be idle but to recognize where power and governance of all affairs lie.

Certainly, these matters are far from every brain cell that we are able to juice and every resource that we are able to grasp. Sometimes the point of correction is simply in one's motivations. When an intention is soured, an act will be impacted. So indications of unresolve or imbalance sometimes point back to the beginning of the act as they invite us to correct our intentions and to follow through with the act so that it serves as a reason for worthy gains instead of the opposite.

A Step

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

May it bubble and frizzle and do the wonderful things it is meant to do. May it sparkle and shine. May it settle and incline to the ways of its nature. May it awaken to the reality of its existence. May it flourish and reach unimaginable depths. May it breathe easily. May it taste peace. May it know life. Ameen.

This world is a mad house in many respects. It baffles any claims I have to my own sanity. It lies repeatedly. It defies logic relentlessly. I have been inclined to write about its absurdities but never seem to find the right words, those that get to the heart of what is really going on. Behind these veils, there are signs that need to be uncovered, polished, and savoured. But often times it feels like a task almost unachievable. Little progress is made beneath the veils of darkness.

But you know what? Sometimes, sometimes, there are flickers of light. No, not hope in this respect, but a hand to hold while on treacherous grounds, one that makes stability a useful word. We cannot have stability nor strength nor progress in anything that itself is finite. As always, truth must be beyond the tangible. Love must be beyond the visible. But such moments are rare, almost non-existent.

I want to hope for them. I want to carry them. I want to share them. There is chaos masking a world that begs to return to its state of peace. For those who care to see it, its success is existent, and it is possible. We must see beyond ourselves, beyond that which might make us worthwhile even in our lowly estimations. All we are for ourselves now, in this preliminary stage of existence, is a rebellious inner being, a rebellious nafs. But her end will come soon, and the part that we would like to wholeheartedly embrace is waiting patiently for our gentle touch. If all goes well in part one, we can then reasonably hope for a sweet reunion bereft of the stubborn, hardly satiated, and rarely disciplined part of our worldly selves.

But do we have the patience for such a logical, clearly outlined step?

It is only a step as it is very brief and can hardly be considered a journey. But perhaps we don't consider steps, by themselves and in their independence, as significant. Do tell, how many steps does it take to land in a puddle? A mere step should you be close enough. Know that both expectant realities - that which we fear and that which we hope for - lay securely at our sides. When our single step ends at the call of our deaths, we will know the consequences of our choice. Choose well, think carefully, and lift you foot with utmost care. May it be favoured with His mercy and grace and be amongst those that are showered with His ridha... ameen.

The Voice of A Stone

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

"Your life you must one day ponder
So evaluate and remember
Now and not later
Now and not later."
- Muhammad al Haddad

I had the great opportunity to attend a blessed gathering a few days ago. But truth be told, the most peaceful moment for me that night was when I returned home, stepped out of the car, and raised my eyes to gaze at the luminous crescent and crystal-clear night sky. While resting my head against the car door and inhaling the frigid winter air, I had to ask myself yet again, "Where are you going?"

It seems I've been asking myself this question for a long time. Thoughts that I scribbled in books some nine years ago are no different, in essence, than much of what I've written on this blog. I don't find myself any stronger, but I only see a deep weakness. Sometimes we need this weakness, sometimes. Regardless of my state, may I never find myself ungrateful.

I'm regularly flirting with ideas of travelling or with sipping at the fountain of engaging thoughts. Although I have made attempts in various life progressions, I'm still standing impoverished and unchanged. Entirely unchanged. I'm still waiting for the rain, though I wonder if I should be really waiting or rather I should welcome its unexpected arrival. At the heart of it, I can't help but consider this helplessness a great blessing. Nothing of my hopes or endeavours have materialized, and yet I know that my Lord is taking care of my affairs. But I also know that I'm not right with Him, and within that which He has empowered me to do, I must make a mark - as insignificant as it may be. I must. Again, I wonder how. From here, so smoothly is the voice of a stone released...

***

It feels unreal. Perhaps like a chapter from a book. A fish in his bowl listens to the words, and it is nothing more than that. Words or some imaginary phenomenon that lasts only as long as one is reading the tale. This is life in my eyes.

If my silence whispered anything to a listening ear, one who dares engage my presence, a presence that only inhales oxygen and exhales carbon dioxide, it would say, "I don't want the sun, moon, or stars, but truth." What is truth? For me, it is to stand in the midst of the desert, with chapped skin, dusty robes, and nothing more than an aura of peace and contentment. Gone is the crown of a title, the status of earnings, the value of aesthetics, the strength in oratorship, the tangibles. In the desert, silence allows the soul to speak and leaves hearts to rest.

The desert need not be formed of heat and sand dunes. Whatever its form, ya nafsi, it is where we must be, by the grace and permission of Allah, most glorified is He.

Written on March 26, 2010

الله المستعان


ارحمني يا الله

Shared Thoughts

Bismillah

I've been meaning to write here for quite some time, but I haven't given myself the time to collect the remnants of my thoughts into anything substantial. My sister, however, has written this wonderful poem that speaks to me on many levels. Masha'Allah, it is like a breath of fresh air on a hot summer's day.

***
A Peace That Sings

By Shireen

My soul breathes a breath it has never quite taken before
So crisp, so clean, so pure
And a giddy little grin will peak upon my lips
For no particular reason, just a peace within sings so deep
And though the meaning of life’s lesson is upon me now
I can’t help but feel that I know nothing of anything, but to God I remain, to God I bow
Time and time again we search, we befriend but in the end there are things that remain questionable
Should a friend really be so textable?
Really, is there nothing else to do other than keep us entertained
Twitter, or Facebook, Blackberry or Iphone, Google and Amazon E books
It’s all the same really, friends too many
One or two may know me
But never have they given me this feeling I feel
This ease, this lightness upon my chest, this gushing goodness of “man, God is Indeed The Best!”
Why? some may ask. Wasn’t that a test?
Yes, but a test is only a question mark away from a reward
Will you submit to that which you cannot control? Or will your choice be hard, and dramatic turmoil?
I resolve with, I need not fight if I have the angels fighting for me
I will not wander blindly when I have light making a way clearly
I will not speak ill of what’s meant to be, when I have the All Knowing watching over me
I will not be among the ungrateful, before I become alone just me and me
My life is a breath of fresh air for which I pray lasts until I return home
Though fears I have, it’s not something any human can console
For words don’t come when I try to speak it, just thoughts and only God Knows the Meanings
So I stop here.
Praising the All Knowing, The All Wise
Hoping for the best, fearing my weaknesses and begging for success!

Love & Fear

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

I was probably about seven years old when I was slapped across the face by the only adult who has ever raised a hand at me. It's not that I never deserved an occasional smack, but I'm grateful that the adults in my life favoured a merciful option in raising me. As for the exception, it was actually the hand of a Quran teacher who, surprisingly, accidentally struck me instead of my sister. And for that, I consider it a blessing.

After that incident, my father removed my siblings and I from that class, but there were no alternative classes. My parents both grew up with teachers who hit their students, and I think that sometimes my mother felt that we lost out by not continuing to attend. Despite reading the Quran with much difficulty and losing a Quran teacher, I appreciated my father's decision. Perhaps I figured that I could not learn in an environment of fear so leaving it only opened an opportunity to find a new path.

I mention this event because recently I have been contemplating the interaction between love and fear. For reasons best known to Allah, I wanted to love the Quran even though I feared Quran classes. But how does one go from fear to love? Or rather, how can one overcome one's fears well enough to embrace that which he loves?

At the heart of both fear and love is the recognition that only Allah is deserving of the manifestations of both these emotions. He is the One who has power over all. The dominion of the Heavens and Earth and all that exists and has ever existed and will ever exist sits firmly with Him and belong solely to Him. One might even say that our love of Him is inherent, though we are obliged to nourish it. Is love not something that grows when fed and withers when neglected?

When we love or fear something for other than His sake, then it must be from our weakness. Neither can be considered worthwhile when not for His sake since they must be emanating from our desires, and one who follows his desires alone is treading a treacherous path.

But when we love for His sake and simultaneously find ourselves cradling fears for other than His sake, which one takes the lead? Fear I imagine. Why? Because both love and fear return to having a good opinion of one's Lord. We have a good opinion of our Lord when we love for His sake, and yet we have an unbefitting opinion of Him when we fear for other than His sake. Our worthless fears form a wall that prevents us from embracing the good that He guides us to. Having a good opinion of one's Lord necessitates abandoning one's unfounded fears by putting one's trust and dependence in Him, Most Glorified is He.

I'm not sure if what I'm saying here makes sense to other than me. I see the lack of clarity in trying to articulate my thoughts, and perhaps that's partly because these thoughts are still immature and have yet to ripen. Or maybe this is as coherent as it gets for me. Either way, as a final thought (though it might be stretch to figure out how this connects to what I've said above), I am again reminded of some words that were kindly shared with me one day... "As it's said, if the veils were lifted you wouldn't choose for yourself other than what Allah has chosen."

!الله أكبر و لله الحمد

Dreams, eh?

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

It's a little drabby in here eh? It's been like that for far too many months, and though I've sensed it, I've felt disempowered to change it. In fact, I was contemplating a dusty demise, again, but suspected that within a moment of shy insight it might be regretted. Perhaps this is that exact moment.

What's missing, I see now, is the right or even the liberty to dream. The excitement and beauty of dreams is that they are unrestrained. Close your eyes and desire yourself to fly, and soon you will see yourself soaring the skies, perhaps even playing with birds should you desire. Dreams don't need to be frizzled with perceived reality since it offers limitations, the absence of which is really one of dreams' greatest attributes.

But is dreaming sometimes dangerous? The realist or even the cynic in me thinks so, but in my heart of hearts, I know that it is too dangerous not to dream. The world becomes dark and gloomy and bereft of sweet hope (a characteristic that dreams inherently offer), and to see it in such a way is to err. It is to fail to see beyond human error - our own shortcomings - and it is to disallow ourselves the simple chance to embrace some of the Creator's wisdom and generosity.

The sad irony is that by not dreaming we think ourselves as the possessors of wisdom, and we can erroneously convince ourselves that we are capable of deciding what we deserve. Truth be told, we don't "deserve" anything per se because we are intrinsically worthless. We are continuously dependent on God for our subsistence and we are eternally indebted to Him for our existence which is far removed from our will. Nevertheless, we enjoy much - our eyesight, movements, speech, joy, flavours, thoughts, love, compassion, touch, laughter, and all the tangibles that life has to offer, among other things. Again, these are delights which our Creator bestows on us, but beyond these things that we so often take for granted, do we limit our perception of what He can and will favour us with?

If success emanates from ourselves, then it necessarily must be limited and confined. It must be prevented from embracing seemingly accessible delights because we are prone to failure. If all things depend on us, then we would have little room to place our hopes and aspirations and we would crumble by the burden of being the source from which we succeed. But then what are we? Perhaps, we are simply passive vehicles that carry hope, those that relish - or sincerely savour - the good that the world offers, by God's decree, while we also actively praise the One who deserves all praises because He is deserving of all praises and we direct our gratitude to Him for His limitless favours on us.

So what does it mean to dream? I don't know anymore as I've silenced many of my dreams, perhaps I even turned the sweetest one away when it was almost reachable. Maybe to dream means to take one's positive energy and to use it to do good. And when the fruits of goodness come our way, it is to embrace them and to know that given all our human weaknesses these delights are not the fruits of our own efforts but the fruits that God bestows on us when we pursue the avenues that He opens for us and when we depend on Him for our success and wholesome existence.

Perhaps.

و الله أعلم

Fried Eggs

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Last night I dreamt that I had made fried eggs for someone. I don't think I've seen fried eggs turn out as badly as they appeared in that dream and perhaps that's precisely what inspired the rest of the dream where we began a joint effort in making them again. The thought of possibly wasting eggs aside, it was a nice dream for me, one that I've enjoyed throughout the day. Why? Simply because some company is hard to come by, and I'm grateful for it even if occurs only in my dreams.

They say it is better to be in the company of good people than it is to be alone, but it is better to be alone than in the company of bad or evil people. But how do we determine that which makes for good company? Is it not relative to those involved? In many ways, I think it is. I think everyone has their own gauge, but I wonder if people who share similar ideals gravitate to each other or not. Instinctively, we would say that they do, but how is it then that their loyalty and zeal for each other's company fades away?

I am trying to reach a thought here (which I previously attempted and failed) about divorce as it is an ever-increasing occurrence that I would like to have some reasonable way of understanding. Divorce, as I see it, cannot inspire a tremendously beneficial discussion - in general - because each situation is unique and one cannot comment on a couple's decision to divorce unless one knows the details involved. Often times, it's not a black and white process. One doesn't have a checklist saying, "You messed up here, here, and here... Three strikes, it's done." With a union as deep as marriage, a decision as weighty as divorce cannot be simplistic.

I should mention, before indulging other thoughts, that I appreciate that the stigma surrounding divorce is challenging. I've seen, even experienced, the pain of divorced loved ones, and I know that if people knew the weight of that heartache, the wise from amongst them would keep their judgments to themselves.

Is divorce a trial? It can be. Is marriage a blessing? It can be. Neither marriage nor divorce are a trial or a blessing in and of themselves. They are separate phenomena which can manifest in our lives in either which way. My point? Simply that divorce cannot be disregarded as it carries its worth and has a very specific function much like marriage has its function and its worth.

For me to try to better understand divorce, I think I need to consider the very beginning of marital unions, namely the process of "selecting a suitable spouse." I can think of at least five divorced couples who had good indications not to marry, and often I wonder why they did. But I realize again that I probably wouldn't understand their reasons since we all have different inclinations.

SubhanAllah.. Again, I don't feel like I'm getting any clarity on the topic, but perhaps that's just because it is a complex issue that is perhaps partly the harvest of devaluing and neglecting prophetic practices...and Allah knows best.

May the Almighty bless the believers with righteous spouses and unite them for His sake alone. May He make it easy for divorced believers and grant them His pleasure and blessings. May He protect and guide the children who are lost in the confusion of their parents' struggles, and may He help us all to rectify our ways and inspire us to strive to come closer to Him, ameen.

A Great Plan

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Sidi Abu Hasan al-Shadhili said,
"If you have to plan, plan that you will not engage in planning."

Despite such good advice, many of us try to ballpark some of our life plans. And then, as I so notoriously did for a year, we conduct a mental countdown to their anticipated execution. When alas the countdown is done and the plan is no more than the thought that formed its simple beginning, we go into overtime wondering about it calmly while remembering that the timeline was a mere hopeful estimate. After a few more months, however, we begin to realize that the plan may not come into effect and thus we attempt to convince ourselves to see it for what it seems to be - an illusion.

Such incidents should serve as a lesson not to cradle long hopes, but sometimes it's a lesson that is tough to learn. Perhaps this is because during the time of such inclinations we pray that Allah takes things out of our hearts if they aren't good for us and our iman, and yet all the while these things continue to remain firmly in place.

So how do we make sense of it all? I'm not all that sure yet, but for starters I'm reminded of a particularly striking occurrence in which one said, "It's heartening to see such certainty that what's best will happen. This way one is neither overjoyed or dismayed either way." I often wonder about these words as I had previously never really considered the balance of emotions and how they connect to one's faith. It is an intriguing perspective whose elaboration would certainly be insightful.

Is that to say then that some signs of security within the indulgence of hopes is not being overly excited when they come to fruition or overly saddened when they remain untouchable? Perhaps. Kullu shayin 'inda Allah, and again perhaps some deeper reflections on certitude in God and our internal reactions will prove to be extremely beneficial. In the mean time, it's a goal worth striving for as it appeals to the internal sense of balance and submission. Nonetheless, the better option, ideally, is to live one day at a time, neither dwelling too long on the past nor pondering tirelessly about the future in this world.

The irony of world-based hopes it that they, by definition, must have an end. But eternal hopes, if materialized and gifted to us from the Most High, glorified is He, are lasting. So which ones should we strive for? Which should we cling towards?

Our intelligence knows the best way to go, but we are weak and we incline to other than the way of patient submission. Part of being human is to err, but part of being a great human is to correct one's mistakes when one is able.

Just recently, I thought it perhaps a worthy attempt to try to channel more energy into reflecting on the world of the unseen. There is a lot that is happening within it, some of which we are intellectually aware but much of which we are soulfully heedless. Maybe we need to open our consciousness, for example, to the many angels that go about their work, those that accompany us at certain times and those that leave us at other times. Or perhaps we should begin to reflect deeply on how animals react to the unseen world such as a crowing rooster or a braying donkey.

Yes, perhaps this suggestion to reflect on a world that we cannot see is a bit peculiar as most of us are inept in its practice, but really, it has to be a part of who we are. How then can we prepare for our own deaths if we are oblivious to its approach and the promises that come with it? There will, without a doubt, come that day when we will be unable to make excuses for ourselves, and we will be held to account for our ambitions and actions in this world. Are we confident that we'll meet the day with favourable outcomes? No, we aren't. How can we be?

Indeed, these are the events worth anticipating. These are the only events for which we need to prepare and plan - a great plan indeed.

May Allah, the Guide, make easy that which is best for us and our relationship with Him and may He protect us from anything that distracts us from Him or burdens or hinders our relationship with Him, ameen.

Clarity Amidst Noise

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Some advice from Habib Umar (الله يحفظه)...



Taken from Radical Middle Way.


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The Ceaseless Tissue Box

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

When I packed my bags, I packed a lot of tissues expecting that I would need them when I arrived at my destination and knowing that I wouldn't know where to get any. And I did need them, but not for the reasons I anticipated. I find that the older I get the more frequently I need them, but for reasons that I never succumbed to before.

When we're young, we look at the chaos in the world around us and we see our parents' worry for us. As we grow, our concern becomes less about their reactions and fears for us and instead becomes our own - for them and for others. We try to protect ourselves from the problems, but it seems impossible because we soon learn that we are indeed the problem.

How can we be so heartless? How can we be so selfish? We call ourselves intelligent creatures. Indeed, this is from the favours of our Lord, but we are ingrates. He gives us our intellect and we use it to harm His creations. And yet we know, we know very well that the pain of another is no less than the pain of our own. And yet we persevere. Why, tell me, why are children sleeping on streets? Why are their homes blown to smithereens? Why are innocent men being imprisoned and tortured? Why do men abuse their wives? Why do wives cheat on their husbands? Why is one person's life more valuable than another's? Why? Why?

I don't know why.

Should I know why? If I know the reasons, will I be able to rationalize them? Will it ease the heart and cease the tears? No. No it won't. Because there is no excuse for injustice. There is no excuse for oppression. There is no excuse for causing intentional harm and failing to seek solutions.

Other than discarded tissues, I don't know how to make sense of this world. We hear and we try to obey ya Rabb. But we fail. So we, too, are no more innocent, though our crimes have different names.

Prophet Nuh, peace be upon him, called his people to guidance and rectifying their states. For 950 years he invited them to change their ways, to return to their Lord, to make aright the grave wrongs that they cradled in their hearts and lives. After 950 years, they met their end in the flood. And now, what can they say for themselves? Their lives in this world are insignificant, moreso when compared to infinity. Even their 950 years of subjecting a Prophet of God to harm all passed. This is Bani Adam. O Children of Adam. O Children of Adam. Where are we?

Babies are being born into this world, and I hope for each and every one of them to know the delights of this world, as I hope for all those who are living. There are only two delights. The first is to know one's Lord, and the second is to love one's Lord. Most of us don't have an inkling of what these mean.

Which brings me to my final point. Conversation. We converse with ourselves all day, every day. In our sleep, we too venture with our souls following their tunes. Our dialogue continues. But in the great silence of the night, when the mind tries to hush and that inner voice tires, we have emptiness. If in all our conversations with ourselves, our world gets no better. Homeless children are no warmer at night. Oppressed people are no more free. Families are no more loving. If such is the case, then we must know that there is a great conversation missing in the picture of our lives.

And He says to us in those blessed days of Ramadhan, come. Come. And our response should have been and should continue to be Labayk Allahumma labayk! - At Your service, O Lord. Here I am! But we don't respond because we're not listening for the call. We can't hear it. We've silenced it in ourselves through our ignorance. When He says to call on Him, the All Hearing, the All Seeing, we respond with heartlessness except when met by trials. Why? Because perhaps in times of ease we think ourselves self-sufficient. La. La.

We said. We gathered together and said balaa! - yes! Our Lord addressed us, "Am I not your Lord?" And we said "Yes you are." But we don't even know what that means. We don't even know what that means. Ya Allah...

Ya Rabb, I don't understand this world, and I don't see my place in it. I want nothing of it except Your good pleasure, for me and my loved ones and all those who have even a bit of heart left. I see why this world is a trial, ya Salam, ya Aziz, ya Jabbar. We ask only You for peace. We ask only You for strength. We ask only You for protection from the evils of ourselves and of others. If You are not pleased with us, there is nothing for us to take from this world. Nothing. Guide us to You and to that which pleases You. Let us not despair in the condition that we have put upon ourselves. Teach us what it means to have a good opinion of You. Ya Allah, nasaluka wahdak. We ask only You ya Allah. Ighfir lana wa irhamna ya Rabb al 'Alameen. Ameen.

اللهم إنا نسألك رضاك والجنة، ونعوذ بك من سخطك والنار
آمين

*****

Something to think about...


A Golden Pearl

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

I am sand, and I live beside the ocean. I spend my days treading the beach looking for that special spot where I'll be most useful. One day, as I settled myself amidst some beautiful rocks that glistened with rays from the setting sun, I noticed a particularly sparkly object laying subtly on the rocks not too far ahead of me. It was a pleasant sight that I relished for a moment. But before I could give it a second thought, the tides came in and the pulsing ocean reclaimed it.

Some years later, as I sat on the beach taking in the refreshing air, I glanced to my right and noticed it again. At once I knew that we had met before, but this time it seemed more enchanting than I had remembered. It was during this gracious encounter when I realized that the object of fascination was in fact a pearl, a golden pearl. I approached it slightly and then retracted. Gems of this type are not left alone for the likes of me to claim. Nonetheless, I stayed close by until night fell and it once again disappeared from sight.

Thereafter its memory could not be forgotten thus indicating that a closer encounter was inevitable. When it occurred, thoughts that this may be an ordinary stone or shell that simply had its own charm was dispelled. No, this really was a pearl, but it hid itself well. This pearl that perhaps was as ordinary as other shiny objects could only be seen clearly when resting in my midst. But again, I reminded myself that I was unfit to keep it from the ocean. I loosened my sandy embrace, and with a final sparkle it easily slipped back into the engulfing waves.

I often visit this part of the beach hoping for at least a glimpse of it, but hopes of such an occurrence are fanciful and unrealistic. Perhaps it's better that I close my eyes and savour the thought as a dream while I leave reality to take its destined course.

I Am From...

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Last year one of my homework assignments was to write an "I Am From" poem noting some elements that have helped shape the person that I am. It was an interesting though challenging endeavour as I wasn't sure which aspects to include and which to exclude.

Given that the poem was available for my classmates and professors to read, I think it served its purpose. Nevertheless, while I appreciate some parts of it, I think it fails at getting to the heart of reflecting on one's history. This poem speaks about the outward (in an unbalanced way) despite my reality being inward. Perhaps one of these days I should attempt a re-write wherein the outward and inward meet.

I invite you to try writing something about yourself. And if there is anyone exceptional enough to appreciate the privilege of reading your words, then do share them. Perhaps you'll find it a fruitful and insightful activity.

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal.

***

I Am From...

I am from the thundering of Mosi-o-tunya,
guavas, and mangoes.
I am from burglar bars, guard dogs,
and monkeys stealing snacks.
I am from the cradle of basket weavers,
live bait, and creative knickknacks.

I am from the sweat of my parents
whose sacrifices are my comfort.
I am from a dinner table set for eleven,
discussions until twelve,
and "give me a chocolate bar, and we'll call it even."

I am from the heat of childhood games.
I am from the coolness of calm tempers.
I am from the heights of stamped passports.
I am from the depths of spiritual awareness.

I am from the melody of unstoppable giggles
and the sensations of milk and cake.
I am from the selfless counsel of elders and teachers
who evidence threads of wisdom in all that they've sewn.
I am from weekend barbeques, powdered Tang,
and a face much like my own.

I am from three date fruits and a sip of water,
and I am from a smile.
I am from the tranquil echoes of the muathin
calling to servitude five times a day.
I am from the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
I am from his legacy.
I am from his way.
[Insha'Allah wa ameen!]

October 5, 2009

Heartfelt Reminders

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

In the midst of clarifying their relationship, I witnessed one saying to another, "...but this isn't about me and never has been. It's about Allah and nothing else." From the outside, one can only wonder what a relationship contains when it is framed by such a delightfully peaceful thought. I often think about these words as I wonder how this wisdom can become a rule in life rather than an exception.

It is easy enough to begin relationships for Allah's sake as sometimes that's precisely what brings people together. But over time, relationships can easily transform into an "it's all about me" attitude inviting a troubling decline and far too many points on Shaytan's scoreboard. But surely there must be a way for the pitiful residue of such relationships to be salvaged and reformed to their glorious beginnings.

I found some direction to my thoughts in Imam Ghazali's, rahimuhullah, chapter on "The Duties of Brotherhood in Islam" in his voluminous work Revival of the Religious Sciences (Ihya Ulum Ad Din), but I couldn't help but feel that with a lack of adequate knowledge, training, and practice, most of us (myself foremost) are a far cry away from fulfilling the duties of our sisters and brothers in Islam. Perhaps that's why the text even speaks of a contract of brotherhood such that both parties understand the nature of their relationship and feel obliged to honour it, to make excuses for the other, and to see faults in the actions but not the person, among other things.

I really am a world away from figuring out how things work in this world. Where do respect and love meet? Where do they depart? In an ideal world, people are supports for each other. Dr. Tariq Ramadan illustrates this great insight in his book "In the Footsteps of the Prophet" while reflecting on the story of Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon them both). He writes,
"When Abraham is tempted by deep doubt about himself, his faith, and the truth of what he hears and understands, the inspirations and confirmations of Hagar and Ishmael (whom he loves but sacrifices in the name of divine love) enable him not to doubt God, His presence, and His goodness. Doubt about self is thus allied to deep trust in God" (pg. 5).
So while we, by our human nature, seek companionship we, too, have explicit guidance about how this companionship must breathe and act. At the base of it all is our own personal relationships with Allah as we cannot expect that comfort comes from humans themselves but rather it's a blessing from Allah, most Glorified is He. Hagar and Ishmael's conviction, as I see it, was independent of their love of Prophet Ibrahim (may Allah be pleased with them all). Rather, the three of them supported each other in the face of trials by remaining steadfast in their obedience to God.

When we are connected with those who are striving for greater God-consciousness (taqwa) and love, we hope that they will help us gently in our times of weakness and more importantly that we, too, can help them for none other than Allah's sake alone.

And if a union of this type should exist, then one must recognize it as gift from the Almighty and thank Him for it. It is only He who is deserving of all praises.

Ya Allahu, ya Latifu, ya Khabir, guide us to You and Your love. Bless us with a sound understanding of our deen and bless us with knowledge and love of You, the All Knowing, the Wise. Ya Allah, give us relief in our difficulties, grant us light in our darkness, give us strength in our weakness, and increase us in our sincere servitude of You. Ya Rabbi, protect me from wronging my soul and protect me and my heart from turning to that which doesn't befit obedience to you. Ya Allah, I seek Your guidance and Your protection. Guide us to Your good pleasure and protect us from Your wrath. Have mercy on us, ya Allah... Ighfir li ya Rabb. Ighfir li ya Arhamar Rahimeen wa salla Allahu 'ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa aalihi wa salim.

A thread...

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

I made a mistake of not writing. I made the mistake of failing to put a name and direction to my thoughts and internal tempo. Like particles of dust, they can now hardly be collected. They can hardly be corrected. When did I let them slide into an abyss of darkness? I wonder.

I made a mistake of hoping in a way that does not befit my place. Perhaps the root of this mistake is in forgetting or neglecting truth.

Truth always comes with us, even if we don't engage its presence. But it only shines for those who embrace it. Most times I give up trying to figure out what it means to hold it, to nurture it, to call it a part of me. Occasionally only a wayward thread of it comes into view, and that in itself is far better than nothing.

But it takes more than a ragged thread to sew a garment. Perhaps the goal should be better suited to the resources. Perhaps it should be a simple bow. Yes, a bow - as useless as it may be - is fathomable. But it's still an intimidating thought as I'll likely break the thread in the process. Is it worth risking?

There is no alternative. It must be attempted.

Ya Rabbi, help me.

Indicators

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

"If you want to know your rank with Him,
look to what He has established you in."
- ibn 'Ata-illah

Our teachers say that one should not leave Ramadhan in the same state as he entered it. That is, one should find an improvement in oneself in the days, weeks, and months that follow Ramadhan. But what if one leaves Ramadhan worse than one entered it?

Ramadhan is special for many reasons. It's the month in which the Quran was first revealed. In it rests a night that is greater than a thousand nights. It is the greatest opportunity in the year for people to turn away from heedlessness and draw closer to the Lord of all that exists, upon whom we are indebted for our existence and subsistence. The shayateen are prevented from continuing with their evil work in this great month, and humans are left with their nafs to recognize their slavehood before their Lord. But what if the nafs is too strong to overcome its impulses of negligence?

Now that the month has passed, do we have the right to grieve? We must grieve and repent for our heedlessness and negligence. We must. But at some point, we have to face the mirror, wipe it clear of the steam, and take a good look at the sight before us. Who are we really? Where are we going? Are we really being true to the reality of our existence? Where do we need to go? How do we get there?

It seems that ideals are often mishmashed with delusions. In a commentary of the Hikam of ibn 'Ata-illah, it says, "If sadness does not cause a person to earnestly race towards [catching up on] acts of obedience, then it is a sign of delusion and is not one of the stations of the people travelling the Path."

It is not a wonder that preparations for Ramadhan have to start now - in Shawwal. Ramadhan is not magical dust, and those of us who are unable to face our heart's reflection must recognize that each day of the entire year is a great opportunity to make aright what might be so absolutely wrong right now. Perhaps then, should we live long enough, we may be able to meet the next Ramadhan with enough spiritual health to embrace what it offers the heart and thus leave it as we hope - that is, a bit better than when we entered it.

Our Beloved... صلى الله عليه

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Reminiscing...

The Arabic proverb "If you return from travelling, give gifts to your family if even a rock" played over in my mind as I had only a few days left in Yemen and still a few more gifts to buy. Sana'a's charm captured my heart, but the beauty that I saw in her could not be bought and selecting gifts from her stores was challenging. I decided to go to the markets at Baab Al Yemen to shop for the remaining gifts. My friend, a very dear sister, accompanied me. On our way, we stopped at one store in which I noticed a necklace that I thought might be appropriate. The price was far too unreasonable for my likings, nonetheless we continued to browse the store. I then noticed a masbaha (prayer beads) which I thought was nice.

There were two men in the store, both chewing qaat seated on cushions behind the two dusty counters. The younger of the two stood up to serve me. As I looked at the scented masbaha, my friend and I conversed in English. The young man then asked me if I was Muslim. Na'am, alhamdulillah - "Yes, praise be to God," I replied. Ana Tom - "I'm Tom," he said. I was surprised. Lasta Muslim? - "You're not Muslim?" I asked. He quickly added ...ow Muhammad - "or Muhammad." In broken Arabic, I told him (or at least tried to tell him) that it was a shame on him to call himself other than his name Muhammad and that he should be happy and proud to call himself Muhammad. As I've been told, a home that has one with the name Muhammad is blessed by virtue of that name alone. I told him that Muhammad is the most beautiful of names. He said nothing.

***
The moon is almost at her peak of glorious illumination, but sadly at that point it will mark the passing of half of the blessed month of Sha'baan. It is the month of our beloved, the beloved of God, Al Habib Al Mustafa, our Prophet and Messenger, the seal of the prophets, Muhammad bin Abdillah, may God's peace and blessings be upon him.

I wonder about my relationship with him, salla Allahu 'alayhi wa salam, and I know that I take him for granted, sadly. I know that it is a relationship that I have to work on and one that I long to taste the reality of. But love is not lazy, and my laziness in following his way is a clear indication of the illusory reality of the love that I claim to have.

I know my words with brother Muhammad, a shopkeeper in Sana'a's marketplace, were more for my sake than his. Why would it bother me that he would take another name instead of the name of our beloved, 'alayhi assalaatu wassalaam, if I were not guilty of taking a way other than his way?

As I try to discover the reality of what it means to call Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him, our beloved, my beloved, I invite you to do the same.

May Allah make us among those who love Him and His messenger, Muhammad, peace be upon him, and may He guide us all on the path of truth and righteousness. May He make us among those who follow the way of the living Quran, Al Mustafa, peace and blessings be upon him and his family, and protect us from the evils of ourselves. Ameen.

Written on August 4, 2009

هو محمد في الأرض و محمود في السماء
صلى الله عليه و آله و سلم

A Blazing Flame

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

In the depths of the night, a flame burned brightly. It danced across observant eyes etching its beauty into timid retinas. Eyelids, the first line of defense, stood open and indulged the sight. There, in the stillness of the night, the fire only caressed the night's gentle breeze. Hidden was any threat of harm, chaos, or confusion.

The night has long since passed, and now under the luminence of the sun the casualties are clear. Logs and sticks that were once part of living trees are now charred remains, mere ashes, serving as the only evidence of the night's performance. Was it worth it? It is difficult to say. If life was shortened by the moment, then it likely wasn't. But if the fire's fuel was indeed true firewood, then the glamour only manifested its fate. There is a cycle, and every stage within it needs its due.

But when the cycle ceases to exist, must its memory be preserved?
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"Do you think that you will enter the Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: 'When (will come) the help of God?' Ah! Verily the help of God is (always) near!" [2:214]

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Inspiration

"Be mindful of God, and God will protect you. Be mindful of God, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of God. If you seek help, seek help of God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that God had already prescribed for you. And if the whole world were to gather together to harm you, it would harm you only with something that God has already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried."
--Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]