الشكر والشوق

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

قلتُ: أشكر اللهَ أنه وضعني في هذا المكان معكُنّ الطيبات. الحمد الله

 قالتْ صديقتي: كل طيبات (قصدتْ في تلك المدينة الصغيرة)

قلتُ: لا... لسن كل الطيبات

ضحكت صديقتي

As odd as it may be, I am sometimes reluctant to try new dishes with the logic that if I really like any, then there is the possibility that I may want it again later on. I suppose seeking anything of the ephemeral world that is not in front of me only serves to complicate life. Yet, despite my general thought to not get attached, I do. In the world of insignificance, I would quite thoroughly enjoy a plate of mahshi malfoof and kusa - made with Egyptian rice - followed by a serving of konafa. But worst still is trying to get my heart and head around that which and those whom I miss.

I miss the athan, the scenery, and the serenity. I miss the sights and sounds of children playing on the street - barefoot and kicking around a ball, the honking horn of the bread man's van around 'asr time, (a sound that was once a nuisance), the morning greetings, the smiles, the language - both the Egyptian dialect and the attempts at fus7a, the du'as, and the general mirth that develops over time once understandings have developed. I miss the simplicity. I miss the sincerity. 

I do, however, recognize that because I was an outsider, I was spared the internal drama that close communities and families sometimes experience, and I'm grateful for the peace that that offered.

But to say that I miss a part of my life which I was blessed to experience does not negate the fact that my time there had come to an end and that this side of the ocean, too, contains intangibles and people to miss. I suppose it's the same as tasting a delicious dish or beverage. Who can forget a sweet drink that once quenched a deep thirst? 

The fine difference here lies between two phenomena: the natural disposition to remember good that we experience, and to desire the return of the goodness which is no longer a part of our immediate reality. The first, I imagine, is rooted in gratitude while the second is embedded and maintained in long and quite often false hopes.

والله أعلم

Aug. 28, 2015

"I shouldn't miss you this much, but I do." (12/08/09)