Fried Eggs

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Last night I dreamt that I had made fried eggs for someone. I don't think I've seen fried eggs turn out as badly as they appeared in that dream and perhaps that's precisely what inspired the rest of the dream where we began a joint effort in making them again. The thought of possibly wasting eggs aside, it was a nice dream for me, one that I've enjoyed throughout the day. Why? Simply because some company is hard to come by, and I'm grateful for it even if occurs only in my dreams.

They say it is better to be in the company of good people than it is to be alone, but it is better to be alone than in the company of bad or evil people. But how do we determine that which makes for good company? Is it not relative to those involved? In many ways, I think it is. I think everyone has their own gauge, but I wonder if people who share similar ideals gravitate to each other or not. Instinctively, we would say that they do, but how is it then that their loyalty and zeal for each other's company fades away?

I am trying to reach a thought here (which I previously attempted and failed) about divorce as it is an ever-increasing occurrence that I would like to have some reasonable way of understanding. Divorce, as I see it, cannot inspire a tremendously beneficial discussion - in general - because each situation is unique and one cannot comment on a couple's decision to divorce unless one knows the details involved. Often times, it's not a black and white process. One doesn't have a checklist saying, "You messed up here, here, and here... Three strikes, it's done." With a union as deep as marriage, a decision as weighty as divorce cannot be simplistic.

I should mention, before indulging other thoughts, that I appreciate that the stigma surrounding divorce is challenging. I've seen, even experienced, the pain of divorced loved ones, and I know that if people knew the weight of that heartache, the wise from amongst them would keep their judgments to themselves.

Is divorce a trial? It can be. Is marriage a blessing? It can be. Neither marriage nor divorce are a trial or a blessing in and of themselves. They are separate phenomena which can manifest in our lives in either which way. My point? Simply that divorce cannot be disregarded as it carries its worth and has a very specific function much like marriage has its function and its worth.

For me to try to better understand divorce, I think I need to consider the very beginning of marital unions, namely the process of "selecting a suitable spouse." I can think of at least five divorced couples who had good indications not to marry, and often I wonder why they did. But I realize again that I probably wouldn't understand their reasons since we all have different inclinations.

SubhanAllah.. Again, I don't feel like I'm getting any clarity on the topic, but perhaps that's just because it is a complex issue that is perhaps partly the harvest of devaluing and neglecting prophetic practices...and Allah knows best.

May the Almighty bless the believers with righteous spouses and unite them for His sake alone. May He make it easy for divorced believers and grant them His pleasure and blessings. May He protect and guide the children who are lost in the confusion of their parents' struggles, and may He help us all to rectify our ways and inspire us to strive to come closer to Him, ameen.

A Great Plan

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Sidi Abu Hasan al-Shadhili said,
"If you have to plan, plan that you will not engage in planning."
Despite such good advice, many of us try to ballpark some of our life plans. And then, as I so notoriously did for a year, we conduct a mental countdown to their anticipated execution. When alas the countdown is done and the plan is no more than the thought that formed its simple beginning, we go into overtime wondering about it calmly while remembering that the timeline was a mere hopeful estimate. After a few more months, however, we begin to realize that the plan may not come into effect and thus we attempt to convince ourselves to see it for what it seems to be - an illusion.

Such incidents should serve as a lesson not to cradle long hopes, but sometimes it's a lesson that is tough to learn. Perhaps this is because during the time of such inclinations we pray that Allah takes things out of our hearts if they aren't good for us and our iman, and yet all the while these things continue to remain firmly in place.

So how do we make sense of it all? I'm not all that sure yet, but for starters I'm reminded of a particularly striking occurrence in which one said, "It's heartening to see such certainty that what's best will happen. This way one is neither overjoyed or dismayed either way." I often wonder about these words as I had previously never really considered the balance of emotions and how they connect to one's faith. It is an intriguing perspective whose elaboration would certainly be insightful.

Is that to say then that some signs of security within the indulgence of hopes is not being overly excited when they come to fruition or overly saddened when they remain untouchable? Perhaps. Kullu shayin 'inda Allah, and again perhaps some deeper reflections on certitude in God and our internal reactions will prove to be extremely beneficial. In the mean time, it's a goal worth striving for as it appeals to the internal sense of balance and submission. Nonetheless, the better option, ideally, is to live one day at a time, neither dwelling too long on the past nor pondering tirelessly about the future in this world.

The irony of world-based hopes it that they, by definition, must have an end. But eternal hopes, if materialized and gifted to us from the Most High, glorified is He, are lasting. So which ones should we strive for? Which should we cling towards?

Our intelligence knows the best way to go, but we are weak and we incline to other than the way of patient submission. Part of being human is to err, but part of being a great human is to correct one's mistakes when one is able.

Just recently, I thought it perhaps a worthy attempt to try to channel more energy into reflecting on the world of the unseen. There is a lot that is happening within it, some of which we are intellectually aware but much of which we are soulfully heedless. Maybe we need to open our consciousness, for example, to the many angels that go about their work, those that accompany us at certain times and those that leave us at other times. Or perhaps we should begin to reflect deeply on how animals react to the unseen world such as a crowing rooster or a braying donkey.

Yes, perhaps this suggestion to reflect on a world that we cannot see is a bit peculiar as most of us are inept in its practice, but really, it has to be a part of who we are. How then can we prepare for our own deaths if we are oblivious to its approach and the promises that come with it? There will, without a doubt, come that day when we will be unable to make excuses for ourselves, and we will be held to account for our ambitions and actions in this world. Are we confident that we'll meet the day with favourable outcomes? No, we aren't. How can we be?

Indeed, these are the events worth anticipating. These are the only events for which we need to prepare and plan - a great plan indeed.

May Allah, the Guide, make easy that which is best for us and our relationship with Him and may He protect us from anything that distracts us from Him or burdens or hinders our relationship with Him, ameen.

Clarity Amidst Noise

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim

Some advice from Habib Umar (الله يحفظه)...



Taken from Radical Middle Way.