Be Good People...

BismiAllah


Or view it here.

God is the Light of the heavens and the earth;
the likeness of His Light is as a niche wherein is a lamp
the lamp in a glass, the glass as it were a glittering star
kindled from a Blessed Tree
an olive that is neither of the East nor of the West
whose oil is well-nigh luminous, though fire scarce touched it;

Light upon Light!

God guides to His Light whom He will.
And God speaks to mankind in symbols
for God is knower of all things.

Quran - Chapter 24, Verse 35

Comic Relief - That's Life!

BismiAllah

Well I think it's due time for some comics, what do you say? AlhamduliAllah, life is great. Sometimes it's nice to kick back and smile at the way life goes, even if it doesn't go exactly the way we hope.

[Note: Click on images to see them enlarged. The blog template's width doesn't accommodate these comics well. Sorry for the inconvenience.]


*****
And so it is, loneliness can no longer be ignored. You bravely venture into the crazy world to seek a suitable partner.

But it is a lot more difficult than expected.

If at first you do not succeed, try and try again. Finally, you find that lovely significant other, get married, and have a family of your own.

The novelty of marriage soon wears off, and blunt honesty becomes trying.

Somehow, the marriage survives. The sweet children grow up, and the cute cooing sounds of infanthood develop into your nemesis.

Parental love wins through. You hope for a bright future and insist that your children attend school.

But going to school doesn’t necessarily mean earning an education.

Fortunately though, in this crazy cycle we call life, there are friends and loved ones that help us get through.

Keep smiling!

Sweet Dreams

BismiAllah
"Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny?"
- Quran [55:13]
It’s not possible. Just because you can dream it, it doesn’t mean you can taste it. It doesn’t mean you deserve to taste it. It doesn’t mean you are entitled to it. Dreams, o sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams are mine, but reality knocks at my door and tells me that my reality is sweet though it is not my dreams.

Am I entitled to complete peace? Without the temptations of my nafs? There is no release from this wonderful trap. Escape is tangled with loyalty. If I escape, will it mean abandonment? Lack of patience?

No. It won’t.

But still, I cannot shake it off. Let it go. It’s not an option for you. Just look in the mirror, and you’ll see truth. Ah, but you have hope in God’s great favours, in His ability to make the impossible possible. In that case, also have hope in the benefit of sorrow, for such will be your flavour. In the least, prepare for it. His decision has been made. Your destiny is no secret to Him.

Prepare, for you’ll likely only learn this the hard way. Again.

Bon Voyage, insha'Allah!

BismiAllah

My sister just e-mailed me a copy of her itinerary which kicks into effect in two days, insha'Allah. I can hardly believe that she'll soon be on her way to Pakistan, a place that she has wanted to visit for a long time.

It goes without saying that I will miss her. Probably more than she’ll miss me since she’ll be too busy with other things and will probably find just enough time to miss her boys (naturally). Nonetheless, I am really happy for her. I think it’s a wonderful opportunity for her to visit a place that has intrigued her, and of course it’s an especially nice chance for her to meet some of her husband’s extended family.

I pray that her trip goes well. I pray that no one gives her or her mother-in-law a hard time wherever they may be. I hope that during their tremendously long flight they both remember to pray for the family and ummah, and the betterment of our world.

Often through partings the soul learns to appreciate what it so often takes for granted. “Distance makes hearts grow fonder,” isn’t it?

Many months ago, as I talked about my own smoke-filled travel ideas, my mother shared some of her motherly greatness. I was telling her that if I went anywhere and never returned, such would be my fate. My time to return to my Creator is written. Of course, my mother knows this (and probably was the one to teach me this), but I thought that perhaps her motherly love was still trying to protect me. Instead, she showed me her love, insight, and strength through words that I will never forget. She said, “It’s not death that I’m worried about… I’m worried about all the possible things, other than death, that may happen to you.” Ya Rabb… ya Rabb…

O Lord, please take them safely and bring them home safely. Ya Allah, we all have our destined time of return to You. I submit to that. Please let that be our best and sweetest moment in life, and please protect us all from the evils of mankind, jinn, and Shaytan, ameen.

A for Effort

BismiAllah

*You gotta try a little, little bit. That's all you have to do........... and God helps do the rest!*
- Adam's World (Brother Dawud W. Ali)

Writing this is entirely a therapeutic endeavour, insha'Allah. I think I need to clear things up in my mind a bit lest I continue my thinking-pacing which will surely annoy one of my family members soon.

So it is that often (certainly not always) in Muslim-run organizations I observe that we only seem to get the "Muslim-run" part and the concept of organization goes out the window. I don't want to complain about it. A for effort for those who start and attempt to run organizations. So fine, it isn't as organized as I'd like, there is currently no tangible curriculum, and there is no back-up plan for the poor substitute who has to leave her lovely lesson plan in the worthy hands of her co-teachers and proceed to teach another class. That's life, get over it. It's not ideal, but I'm okay with it.

So what's the problem? Well, that I hate, or strongly dislike, having a class just to pass the time. If they don't learn anything, if they don't go home having enjoyed the lesson because they engaged with the work, then I feel that I fail in my duty as a teacher. My duty is not to pass two hours of time and hope that perhaps, mayhap, they'll grasp something. I want them to think. I want them to learn. I want them to challenge themselves. And I want them to appreciate the process.

Too idealistic, eh? Fine, I see your point. But the bar has to be set high. Realistically, I know it will take a heck of a lot, from both the teacher and the student, to reach a high standard of education, but over time it can be achieved.

But I currently don't have time. I have one day to prepare something substantial (which is a blessing compared to the one hour I had last week). Unfortunately, I feel I may have not set the appropriate impression as a teacher. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and some slack where they don't actually require it and where it doesn't actually benefit them.

I didn't feel good last week. The first half was fine, the second half wasn't. We wasted time, precious time. I felt a lack of connect and control, and a lack of enjoyment toward the material. I felt that it was partly a half-hearted, slip-slop, ineffective day. I worry that it will be repeated. I really want to see life, a bit of umph.

So the game plan? Figure it out. Make it work. You like challenges sometimes, bon appetit. You've been served a challenge. Don't let your insecurities put you down before you give it another try. Don't dog on what did not reach fruition in the past. Work with a clean slate. Erase any preconceived notions. Don't underestimate your good judgment. Utilize your resources. But first, lift the burden of worry off your chest. If your 100% isn't enough, then put it down as the way things are. You cannot do more than that.

You fail only because you want to control, to guide, to give what is not yours to give. If you recognize your role, you'll find your peace. You are but a tool, working in His service. You don't decide who will learn what, where, when, why, or how. You are the delivery person. All you can do is bring it to the doorstep. They will only take the fruits if He allows them. They will only benefit from those fruits if He allows it. So you, o lowly one, are but the ignorant messenger requiring His guidance every step of the way. Never forget your place, and you'll find your way. You surely will, insha'Allah.

Ya Rabb, I seek peace with You. I ask You to make this endeavour successful, for all parties to benefit, for a rejuvenation towards education, deen, and all the other sweetness in life. Ya Rabb, You are the educator, educate us all. Only in Your name can we succeed.

Update: 2007-04-02

Praise and thanks belongs to God alone. It was beautiful! Only He could have allowed such to occur.

Thank you Allah, the One who facilitates all.

Looking for Miracle Grow

BismiAllah

If you want to keep a houseplant, you must learn her personality. Sometimes she isn't comfortable in certain environments and will need to be moved to a different location. If she likes it, you will see the improvement. If not, try again until you find the right spot.

Such, it seems, is the case with today's educational situation. An excellent analysis (masha'Allah) of the situation entitled "Is Education Failing?" lays the cards out on the table very well, but it is becoming a bit more complicated each day.

I cannot add much more to the the above-mentioned article, but it is the final comment which has unveiled yet another crack in our foundational structures. The issue is one of morality. Where do our children learn morality?

At home of course! But what if our children aren't learning what they need to learn at home? What if their fathers aren't in the picture because they are too busy sipping on coffee as they discuss the politics of back home? What if their mothers are just too busy with other things to notice the problems or are simply at a loss for solutions?

In an effort to try to understand this all better, I put the question to my uncle, an excellent teacher of many years having taught in both public and private schools, "How can we teach children morals and values??" His response earnestly led towards trying to get the family back in order, but his words were tinged with despair as he described the resistance of some parents in embracing the role of an educator at home. It seems like a hopeless situation for many.

My optimism was soon renewed as my uncle told me the story of one student who inquired about what he missed in class during his absence only because he knew that when he went home his father would ask him what he had learnt that day. This simple and habitual question will give this young man, in the least, an appreciation for knowledge. Often, the best way to teach is to take small, yet consistent, steps. It is no surprise that this is also one great way to learn.

Our discussion regarding education continued for some time, but I still felt unsettled. Surely there must be way out of this web of deteriorating morality. So I asked him, "Do you think it's good for children to attend public schools or Islamic schools?" His answer was very insightful, as I had not thought of this before. He said that for the first few years Islamic school is good because it instills a strong Islamic identity in children. After that, they should be in public schools so they experience a struggle. Our young need the struggle in order to appreciate and learn to value the depths of our own moral and ethical Islamic teachings. Essentially, when the foundation is solid, the struggle serves only to strengthen the rest of the building.

The day after speaking to my uncle, I had the pleasure of spending the entire day with a good friend. Knowing that she has a healthy background in education, especially early childhood education, I asked her which she thought was more beneficial, Islamic school or public school. Her answer was quite the contrary, clearly reflecting her own experiences. She said that it didn't matter if their early years were in a public school because children aren't very susceptible to peer pressure at that age. However, once they get older, they should be in Islamic schools, especially in their teenage years. Some youngsters simply cannot handle the strong conformity pressures of public schools today.

The one view is that of equipping children with the necessary tools and forcing them to use them in the real world, and the other is that of shielding them until they find themselves.

Like houseplants, it's a case-by-case decision. My hope is that after good years of nurturing them, they will survive in the wild. But alas, the matter is not in my hands. As the brother reminds us, "It's a huge favour from Allah Subhana wa ta'Ala that He has protected us from falling into the many traps of academia, while so many others just get washed away in the current."

Thank you Allah!

Labayk

BismiAllah

*Spring, where are you? Come on spring, let's have some fun!*
- Franklin Turtle

The tulips aren't out yet, but the weather is gorgeous. Praise and thanks to God. The sun is shining, the birds sing their beautiful pre-dawn songs, and there is so much umph in the air. Winter's sweet tranquility is gone, and like magic, spring has arrived!

Such is the story of my life. Allahu Akbar!

I can't quite get over the fact that I've been blessed with so much in so many different ways - to think, to care, to know, to love, to aspire, to hope, to share, to grow, to learn, to embrace the beauty of the world around me.

But I cannot savour this all without reminding myself that in the midst of peace and happiness, I could find myself facing challenges and struggles. So often I remind myself that one day I may get that phone call that takes these perfectly assembled pieces in the pie of contentment, messes them around, and begs the question, "Where is your contentment now?" I secretly prepare and await the challenge. I don't wish for it, but because it is a possibility I attempt to prepare for it. With or without perfectly unified components of life, contentment must always remain my faithful companion. God willing.

While I talk about the splendor of the season, where regrowth, rebirth, and rejuvenation are at their peak, I dig deep and reflect on my personal history. I experience severance of the worst kind, from what was once so sweet. But... I won't walk away. I might not be strong enough (yet) to fight my fight, but I am not going anywhere. God willing!

Labayka Allahumma labayk!

Empty Vessel

BismiAllah

Imagine for a moment that before your very eyes is a transparent object. A cavity of some sort with two chambers and an opening covering the expanse of the top. The median between the two seems flimsy at best, yet surprisingly it is able to retain the acqeous substance which fills one half of the cavity. The adjacent chamber is entirely empty.

As you stare at the peculiar item, your curiosity grows. Your eyes search the room and you see a bottle of liquid food colouring. Quite naturally, you put a few drops into the occupied chamber, and soon it is filled with brilliant colour stopping short of the delicate divider.

You then put a few drops into the empty chamber and watch as the substance lifelessly sinks into the chamber's base forming a humble puddle. It is a pitiful sight alongside its exuberant neighbour.

In an act of charity, you pour water into the barren enclosure. Life. The entire cavity is now engulfed with awesome radiance, and much to your surprise the median that once separated the two chambers has now disappeared. The vortex of excellence claimed its life, and it became the very nothingness that previously occupied the once empty vessel.

What's New?

BismiAllah

Why is it that we rarely ask about that which is old? That which is tried, tested, and true? Does it become boring?

Have you ever tried something new or bought something new and were so impressed with it that you couldn't believe how good it was, only to find that as time passed you wondered what it was that appealed to you so much in that thing to begin with?

Novelty sure has a way of wearing off. I sometimes wonder if my dwindling fascination over time, when something becomes familiar, is proof that I lacked heart from the beginning. What stumps me though, and I'm hoping someone can help me shed light on this, is the greater purpose that this fleeting novelty serves. Where does it fit in the grand scheme of things? For adults, does it demonstrate a lack of greater understanding? Or is it simply something necessary for our continued healthy existence?

Or maybe it's an indicator of greater beauty. A sign of some sort. If the novelty doesn't wear off and the fascination is able to grow into respect which then grows into love which then grows into sincerity and a dedicated friendship, then maybe it's a sign of something truly worthwhile.

We cannot know light unless we've known darkness. We cannot appreciate continued concerns unless we've experienced fleeting concerns.

Whichever place novelty holds in human existence, I sense it is a distraction from that which remains sweet for those who stick to it, for those who care to savour it. This sweetness, packaged in the wrappings of gold, is that which holds everything together. This sweetness is that which we all live for. Its flavour never dulls. Its light never extinguishes.

Praise and thanks belongs to God, the only constant.

O My Sisters...

BismiAllah

This is for my sisters. Not my blood relations, but rather all the women out there.

You see, I detect a lot of male bashing from women sometimes. "He isn't blah." And "He doesn't do blah.." And on and on it goes. Currently, I really don't care where the men folk err directly, unless of course they step out of line and start behaving in a manner that would not befit a gentleman.

But men aside, women have other problems. We generally don't interact well with each other in that it seems to me that we lack sincerity in our meetings (correct me if I'm wrong). Perhaps it is the underlying evolutionary psychology where competition takes precedence over politeness and/or basic manners. I honestly can't say I've figured it out. Ironically, I come from a family and home where women have always outnumbered men. In the midst of this upbringing, one would think I would have the psyche of a "typical woman" (if such exists) figured out.

If you disagree with me that there is a need to address the way women deal with each other, then please consider this for a moment. Have you ever been in a mall and had a strange woman give you cut eye from afar? No? Well, have you ever started a class and had the woman sitting next to you give you attitude? No? Well, have you ever tried initiating a conversation among a group of women who are at least acquaintances if not friends? No? Hmmm... Well, I have.

College was an interesting experience for me. Most of my classes were filled with only women. It was a predominantly "non-ethnic" college where hijab-clad women were rare. By the grace of God, I eventually "befriended" almost every person in my class. This says nothing of me, but I will admit that I made it my business to at least speak to all my classmates. Why? --- Well, why not?

I recently went to a mosque to attend, for the first time, an evening class that is regularly held each week. The sisters were decent, but it did not take long for the group psychology of insecurity to play out with whisperings (more than likely unrelated to the newbie) in their mother tongue followed by giggles. One, it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who doesn't understand it; and two, it's also a pretty lousy way to welcome someone by not sharing the joke.

But here's the thing. It doesn't affect me personally. In all of the situations that I described above, I've walked away with my secret (and sometimes not-so-secret) smile that tells me there is something better than the games we play with each other, and I leave with the hope that one day she will see it too. My philosophy is this. If one doesn't want to give a stranger the benefit of the doubt and instead finds security in assuming conclusions about another, she's welcome. One is better off without judgmental company. I cannot speak for others, but I would like to take the time to know you, though you're under no obligation to welcome me or reciprocate my hopes. (Unless, of course, you're related, in which case, the rules change.)

But, o my Muslim sisters, why do we compete with each other? Is it the "husband chase" that I sometimes hear of? If you want him, take him. He is all yours. No, that's not it? You just connect better with your "own kind" who speak "your language?" Tafadhali. Do what you need to do. But then don't come back complaining when you see others doing the same to you.

I still want to tell you though, o dear sister, that if you're in pain, seek those you've pushed away. They're not your enemies. They're not your competition. You'll have what's meant for you regardless. Carry yourself with dignity. Be as the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alayhi wa salam) was and open your arms and heart. Only then, dear sister, will we all be able to embrace the sakeenah (tranquility) of sisterhood, insha'Allah.

Let's start this off with a simple smile, insha'Allah!

[Note: I hope it goes without saying that not all women are guilty of the above. I have met some really, really wonderful women who have taught me a lot about heartfelt interactions. So if the above doesn't relate to you, please don't take it to heart, and forgive me. Where you see I err, please correct me. Thanks.]

Update: 2007-03-24

Today the local Imam explained how each person in the ummah is special and needs to contribute his/her talents to the overall functioning of the ummah (especially so because there is lots of work to be done). He made the anology of a car and explained how all the parts of a car are dependent upon each other, though very different. They are all important because they all offer something unique that the other cannot offer.

His practical advice to help us develop love within the community is as follows:
1) Smile -even at people you don't know. [In the very least.]
2) [If you're stronger...] Say "Assalaamu'alaykum" -even at people you don't know.
3) Offer the person something (i.e. put some nice smelling, not-overly-strong 'attar in his/her palm).
4) Invite the person home to eat with you and your family, regardless of how much or little you can offer him/her. Open your home to as many as you can. It is unfortunate that these days we only invite our friends to share meals with us.

May the Almighty help us in our effort to unite the hearts of our Muslim community and fellow humans. Ameen.

A Child's Prayer

BismiAllah

*I sometimes lie awake at night and wonder at the stars so bright. I dream about my future too, and the things that I will do. So the world will count on me. I'm the future they agree.*
["A Child's Prayer" from Zain Bhikha's album "Allah Knows"]

I am currently in a superb "mood." I don't like to refer to this state as a "mood" since it seems too short lived. Nonetheless, let me share it with you, if I can.

There is so much rubbish out there in this world. I spend time reading articles detailing the experiences of people who are going through so much hardship. I cannot even pretend to understand their situations. Yet all the while, I don't directly experience it. What personal grief do I, Farzeen, have? Nothing. Nothing! My life is great, praise be to God. Sure, I don't have x-y-z. And sure, I am not x-y-z. And yes, people will hold my lack of x-y-z against me. But so what?

I guess for quite some time I've fronted a nonchalant attitude towards the head-shaking attitude that people have against each other. Towards the standard of living that is set before us. And the standard of beauty. And the standard of "knowledge." It really all goes down the toilet and remains swimming amongst a sea of other grotesque waste products that should serve to humble humans.

I recognize the need to set my own standards, using truth as my guide. No, not because I think I'm better. No, not because I think I'm capable of setting these standards. No, not because I'm special. And no, not because I'm worth any more than a speck of dust. It's because the standards that people set for me are not what I want, and more importantly need, to be.

The child's prayer is my prayer. No child I am, but I hope like a child. We can do it. We really can. I can achieve what I need to be, despite what may not come my way. Even if you don't want to do it with me, o fellow children, I will do it. Why? Because it's not about you. It's not about me. It's about us. It's about our world. It's about our destiny. It's about our eternity, and a return to the truth of love.

Smile. If you won't smile for yourself, smile for the child in you. :)

Optimism at its peak, for Your sake, o my Lord. Guide us to move with swiftness under the cloak of Your mercy, wisdom, guidance, and good pleasure. Ameen.

[Note: The lyrics to the song that I've quoted above are wonderful. If you haven't heard the song (the remix version too), let me know and I'll e-mail it to you, insha'Allah. The message is strong, and you will have to smile. Trust me, if you dare.]

Unrequited Love

BismiAllah

It took a couple of clicks before I found myself reading a very sad blog entry. I can't help but take a deep breath at the thought of what this individual may be going through as he tries to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. I can't be absolutely certain, but I would like to think that his Layla is having some heartache over this as well, though Majnoon may not realize it. After all, what can she do? Wouldn't Layla have much preferred to want to accept Majnoon?

But the heart is a fickle thing, and for this very reason it requires security forces to ensure that it doesn't drop its guard until the appropriate time. Having had at least a taste of both Majnoon and Layla's experiences, I can tell you that my sadness has never been in what did not become, but rather that the hope of one was shattered.

Hope, by its nature, is a very positive emotion. When hope is lost, nothing can be achieved. If it was not for hope, no mission would be worth executing, no journey would be worth taking. Challenges would have no appeal, and thus the progress of a people would be stagnant. If it was not for hope, we would become the walking dead. Hope carries us; and when absent, we fall into a bottomless pit of despair and ungratefulness. With hope, we have confidence in God's inexhaustible ability to favour us when He chooses.

So why is it that when I read the concluding words, "..and you hope. You hope." my heart clenched?

When hope goes outside the boundaries set by the security forces of the heart, hope becomes a lethal weapon. Prolonged hopes in people, in naturally ephemeral situations, and in limited things is a toxin that breaks down the barriers securing the heart, leaving the heart dependent on the object(s) of hope. It is a very vulnerable situation to be in, and it necessitates a loss of some part of the individual.

Majnoon's situation was sad because his heart was blinded. His hope for Layla exceeded hope's natural confines, and it damaged him. Majnoon wasn't wrong to love, but he was wrong to give his heart to the one who didn't deserve it. The heart deserves a home where commitments are secured - a natural place for hopes to flourish. Until that is sought, all hearts are potential enemies.

It really isn't much of wonder, given the above, that marriage is so sanctified.

Glory be to God who guides us with His infinite wisdom and sets limits for humanity.

The Faulty Candle

BismiAllah

A poet once said, "Knowledge without action is like a wick, it gives light to others yet itself dies out burning."

It was during the first few days of Dhul Hijja that I learnt that Shaykh Abdullah bin Bayyah had travelled from Saudi Arabia all the way to Toronto, a journey that took him over 30 hours, in order to convey sacred knowledge to the attendees of an Islamic conference. I imagine the journey must have been especially arduous given that he is elderly. But the most astonishing aspect of his decision is that despite the general difficulties of travel, he had every intention to perform Hajj (the greater pilgrimage) which would of course have required him to travel right back to Saudi Arabia within a few days of arriving in Toronto.

Another wonderful speaker at the conference, whose words this year touched my heart and provided me with the fruits which I sought, was Dr. Tariq Ramadan. In one of his lectures, he mentioned that there is a recent sickness in the ummah which takes the form of seeking knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself. We do this to such an extent that we actually worship knowledge instead of using it as the means to improve our relationship with our Creator.

As I reflected on the example of Shaykh Abdullah and the words of Dr. Tariq Ramadan, it immediately hit me how easily I belittle the worth of knowledge, beneficial knowledge at that.

My other guilt lies in books. I love books. In fact, for the last few years my most precious books were in boxes while I was playing the nomad between three homes. Now that I've settled myself again, I've taken out all my books, and just looking at them makes me smile. At least they used to... until now. Now I realize that I've transformed a thing of beauty, books, into a potent poison. The ironic part of this sad story is that for the longest time I have attempted to exercise caution in an effort to prevent myself from taking anything at face value including books, classes, and any chance that I get to learn. The story of Imam Ghazali and the robbers was enough to teach me this, yet I have still stumbled.

This all becomes especially problematic as I am now presented with a slight opportunity to convey some of my passions and thoughts to young and impressionable minds. I can only try to teach them what my mind acknowledges as haqq (truth) but that which my nafs has unfortunately made a mockery of.

I don't deserve anything that I have, not even for a second. But, I have it. It's right here. How can I change you, O stubborn soul? Let's change, please. Let's not go to the grave as a loser.

Ya Rabb, forgive me. Guide me, my family, my loved ones, and the ummah of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Preserve our beloved teachers, and cause us to benefit from the knowledge that they convey to us. Guide us, cause us to draw nearer to You each day, and save us from leading self-destructive lives. Ameen.

The Barren Oyster

BismiAllah

There are moments, brief moments, of clarity when all the residue of life's pettiness just disappears. The tide washes over the shore and nothing remains except clarity. The temptation to inhale the refreshed air is unbeatable. Subdued, you allow it to hit you - crisp, clean, and with just a pinch of sugar for the added sweetness in it all.

And then, there is everything except these moments. Its volcanic ashes are a combination of wasted respect, failed trust, ghoulish envy, and continued drama. The preservation of which amounts to relevant factors in quality control.

But can they be surpassed? Must all situations amount to some twisted combination of these factors, choking the necks of those who dare engage their surroundings? Seemingly, yes. It must occur because it is a great way to teach us appreciation. It inspires gratitude in the one who forgets. And it is in our nature to forget.

Like the pearl hidden amongst a collection of barren oysters, there lies a precious gem, the rarity of true friendship. To have just one makes you among the privileged. To have two makes you among the eternally indebted. To have more than two is currently unimaginable. Such is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

So while we play the game of interaction, while we pretend to care, while we pretend to respect, and while we pretend to trust, we can only hope that the tide will come by, washing upon the shore the oyster that sings the song of truth and sincerity.

I want not to hold onto anything else that the ocean may lay on the wet sand before me. I want not to tread on the pebbles of disappointment. If the oyster of companionship never arrives, I'll remain waiting; for my contentment is in the movement of the tides, and my happiness is in the breath of sweet air.

A friend cannot be considered a friend until he is tested in three occasions:
in time of need, behind your back, and after your death.
- Ali bin Abu Talib [may God be pleased with him]

Title-less

BismiAllah

Generally, I like to believe that with some time spent reflecting on certain things, eventually the situation becomes clear. But maybe that's much too simplistic.

I know the problem. I also know the solution. But the second problem becomes filling the shoes that will take the steps necessary to move from the first problem to the solution. Currently, there are no shoes, but only shovels making what was once a timid hole into an annoying crater of nothingness.

Eight hundred steps backwards and the hope of moving a mere inch forward.

I never enjoyed shoe shopping.

Verily in the remembrance of God do hearts find rest. - Quran

Freedom

BismiLlah

It is to know that you don't know.
It is to see that you cannot see.
It is to accept that you are who you are in all your flaws and faults.
It is to desire to improve.
It is to not depend on others.
It is to be content with your circumstances.
It is to submit to the purpose of your existence.
It is to lead a life that is more than just a beautiful story.
It is to know hardship from honourable endeavours.
It is to value your dignity.
It is to leave yourself vulnerable to that which nourishes and not consumes.
It is to be grateful.
It is to be humble.
It is in silence.
It is in embracing different ways.
It is the longest journey that you will ever take.
It is the personal quest for truth in life.
For most, freedom is within.
Contained in the deepest of all secrets.
The best of all secrets.

A Change in Seasons

BismiAllah

Enveloped in the surrounding atmosphere lies a sweet story. Spring teases us with her shy whispers of bright sunshine. Winter holds its ground as the promise of snow-filled days mischievously lingers.

Sunshine, the means through which rainbows manifest themselves, is a source of wonderment. It dances across the sky, singing with the birds, cajoling the innocent, and encouraging the weak. But where does the sun take shelter once the rain arrives? What becomes of the sun as rain-filled clouds conceal the vast sky?

The sun remains, though she is hidden. Rain is a source of comfort which graces the earth with moisture and nourishment. The sun, without rain, is burdensome to the earth. So the sun gives rain due respect. She gives it peace as it quenches the thirst of those down below. Yet the rain must know its limits. When transgressed, the earth grieves. The earth is a sensitive one, weeping easily at both the rain's overindulgence and its extended absence.

Sunshine. Rain. What a fine balance they maintain... Working together to provide different sources of sustenance to the soil and vegetation-laden earth. A beautiful balance really.

But when winter arrives, rain vanishes. The earth absorbs extreme cold, and instead snow gently floats upon its surface. Vegetation can no longer survive. The conditions are too severe. What then of the sun? She still tries to shine on. Her strength seems diminished, but without her radiance, there would be no hope of a return to renewed life upon the earth.

We are the earth. Rain is our reflective tears. Sunshine is our gratefulness. Winter is our patience. Ruin is from our own hands. But through the changing seasons, there always remains optimistic hope, our spring.

Whatever is in the heavens and on earth, declares the praises and glory of God: for He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.
To Him belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth: it is He Who gives life and death; and He has Power over all things.
He is the First and the Last, the Evident and the Hidden: and He has full knowledge of all things.
[Qur'an- 57:1-3]

Update: 2007-03-05

I love this poem. It's a powerful poem that I don't doubt that you will enjoy too. I'm posting it here because it relates nicely to the above post. It has few words, but so much strength and quality. Masha'Allah. Enjoy!

In the Absence of the Sun
By: Nauman Abbasi

I love God for all that He's done
That I'll pray on my knees
In the absence of the sun
On little pebbles and rocks
That deliver my legs sharp pains
While each drop hits down on me
Soaking me in the pouring rain
I'll humble myself in front of God
And enjoy every moment I partake
With my clothes drenched to never dry
Yet my faith won't waver or shake
With the elements against me
With desires to fulfill my obligation
In the rain with lightning pain
On my knees down in prostration
All for the sake
Of fulfilling my duty to my Lord
For the One that I love and worship
And for the One that I do adore
My inconvenience is insignificant
For the reward that I aspire for
I'll pray in the rain if I must
So let it pour, let it pour.

[Published in "Strangers" by University of Toronto Muslim Students' Association - St. George Campus - Poetry Society]

Hang Tight to the Rainbow

BismiAllah

*I only ask of God. He won't let me be indifferent to the suffering.*
[Outlandish]

I know that sometimes we all need those moments where smiles seem foreign, awkward, and distant. Sometimes it's exactly those moments of deep recluse that are divine blessings.

But what about those moments when people are in a rut, so to speak. What then? How can one looking onward, knowing that distress exists, respond to it without messing with it? It all takes time. Sometimes people need to be left alone with their confusion so they can sludge through the muddy waters themselves. I guess inevitably all people do this, but some let it consume them. Instead of coming out of it lighter, they carry the mud with them.

What can be done? The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) was distressed at the time immediately following the signing of the Treaty of Hudaybiyah. The Muslims had ventured out of Yathrib. They were unarmed and making their way towards Makkah where they hoped to carry out the lesser pilgrimage, but the Makkans did not receive them into the sacred territory. Instead, the Muslims were forced to stay outside of the inner precincts of Makkah. They were in the area called Hudaybiyah. After some negotiations, the Prophet (peace be upon him) signed an agreement with the Makkans, of which one of the stipulations was peace between the two parties for ten years. The Muslims did not realize the greatness in the treaty as they were greatly disappointed about being unable to carry out the pilgrimage (and they also witnessed a fellow Muslim prisoner in Makkah being forced to return to the Makkans as the new treaty outlined). Nonetheless, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told the Muslims to rise and slaughter the animals and shave their heads - two rites that normally must be carried out within the sacred territory and at the completion of the pilgrimage. Nobody moved. He repeated his words again, and yet a third time too. Still nobody moved. The Prophet (peace be upon him) returned to his tent distressed.

Now what did the true Prophet of God, peace be upon him, do? There is no doubt at all that his faith was solid, and he was the best of people to serve God. So what did he do? He sought counsel from his wife Umm Salamah who advised him to go out in front of the people and to carry out these two rites. The Prophet (peace be upon him) did this and almost instantaneously the companions hastened to follow his lead. Glory be to God.

There are some times in life when we need to confide in those close to us, those whom we respect and those of wisdom. There are other times when we just need to throw our thoughts out to someone who is non-judgemental and hope that this person can catch the essence of it and throw back something even greater. Sometimes we just need to wade in our own confusion, alone, for a while.

Whichever the case may be, there is always a way out. Peace is a whisper away. A mere whisper. It breaks my heart to see the sadness, but such is life I guess. Ultimately, our success lies with Him.

Just last night, as I was shuffling through my own thoughts, I realized that the matter has been decided. The beginning and end is known to Him, the Most High. Everything in between is just fill in the blanks. The only way the end can change is by a return to Him and to beseech Him through sincere supplication. But that end is still known to Him. Before you move, consult Him, He'll show you the way. Consult your heart and mind, and trust Him. Be real, and you'll find your way. You'll find your peace, and again, you will smile. God willing. Stay strong.

Post Script:

There are more lessons that we can take from the situation at Hudaybiyah. Consider the Prophet's (peace be upon him's) response after being barred entry into the sacred sanctuary of Makkah. In the name of God, he worked towards a solution, without compromising his values. He did not despair. His trust, as always, remained firm in God, the All Powerful.

The Hijabi Whisper

BismiAllah

Abu Hurayra said, "Whoever meets his brother should greet him. If a tree or wall comes between them and then he meets him, he should greet him on the other side."

I'm sure you've heard that first impressions are, well, impressionable. They set the pace for the relationship and often are good predictors of whether the relationship will blossom or fail to ever form. I would agree that there is some level of superficiality involved in summing people up in one interaction, but hey, that's the way of this world.

Greetings are important. I'm big on respect, and even if the sweetest person in the world greeted me in a way that I considered derogatory or disrespectful, he/she would have to tread lightly until he/she could demonstrate that no disrespect was intended. The absence of a greeting tends to rub me the wrong way too. I suppose it's because I think it's human-like to extend greetings. Think about it. We never walk into our bathrooms saying "Good morning toothbrush!" or sit at the breakfast table and say "Hello newspaper! You're full of wisdom today aren't you?" or go to the gym and say "Hey treadmill, how are ya?" If we are so inclined to talk to inanimate objects, such as a newspaper, we might just say out loud "full of good stuff today."

My point is pretty simple, it's good manners to greet people. In fact, it is so good that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him, his companions, and his family) recommended this as a regular practice. The act of greeting has the power to soften people, touch them, and it demonstrates some level of respect toward them. Essentially, its effects are parallel to the effects of all other acts of courtesy (adab).

Let's kick this up one notch with the greeting of Muslims, Assalaamu'alaykum - peace be upon you. Now this, my friends, is deep. It is, and I exaggerate not, a heavenly greeting. Glory be to God. We know from the teachings of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) that the Angel Gibra'eel (Gabriel) greeted him (the Prophet) with at least these words if not the more profound greeting of God's mercy and blessings - Assalaamu'alaykum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakaatu.

To the best of my knowledge, it is not obligatory for Muslims to greet each other, but it is recommended. However, once a person extends this heavenly greeting to a fellow Muslim, the recepient is obliged to respond, since returning the greeting of a Muslim is his/her right. [On a side note, if one greets a group of people, then a response becomes fard kifaya, meaning that if only one person responds, he/she has fulfilled the duty of all the others.]

During university, I initially found it a bit disappointing when some fellow Muslim sisters would not greet me or even make eye contact so that I would at least have the chance to greet them as we passed each other. After some thought regarding this, I learnt not to take it to heart. I should, however, mention, that there were also a lot of other sisters who extended greetings from afar. It touched my heart, and I began calling it "the hijabi whisper." It impressed me how perfect strangers could smile at each other and wish each other peace. This is the power of the sunnah.

Sometimes I wonder if I should post comments on blogs with the Islamic greeting. I fear sometimes I may never receive a reply.

This reminds me of a story that my good friend shared with me, a story which she heard from Shaykh Ramzy. He spoke about a time when he went to a shaykh to apologize for not approaching him with as much adab as he should have. The shaykh then told him that he has already forgiven him. In fact, he has also forgiven all his children of their duties towards him. SubhanAllah! You ask why? Simply because he does not want any possible failure in fulfillment of those rights to be held against them on the Day of Judgment. SubhanAllah....

So even though it twinges my heart each time my heavenly greeting is ignored, I continue to extend this greeting to others hoping that there will be benefit in it; and I, too, forgive them, for the pleasure of God, if they deny me the pleasure of receiving the same greeting in return.

Peace to you all!

More Information on Islamic greetings.

Winter Icing

BismiAllah

These ravaging waters are overwhelming. Good sense I know. The correct way I see. The truth is clear. The nafs is weak. There are ways to conquer this. But when imprisoned by self deception, freedom becomes pressing.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I hear. Perhaps it is. Snow, though cold and potentially a source of danger, beautifies the mountain tops from afar. I stare at them from many miles a way. Created psychological imagery really, but so profound. So moving. So intense.

Snow, dust yourself upon the weak with your powerful encouragement to be different. To explore the world outside of what is typical, yet teach us to maintain the stance of one who knows truth and moves only with humility before the One deserving of all praise and servitude.

Had We sent down this Qur'an on a mountain, verily, thou wouldst have seen it humble itself and cleave asunder for fear of Allah. Such are the similitudes which We propound to men, that they may reflect. Qur'an - 59:21

[Picture taken from Flickr album.]

Update: 2007-02-14

Correction.

I realized last night that I had made a grave error in this post. I said, "The nafs is weak." I guess it depends on who I'm referring to, but generally, the nafs is not weak. In fact, it's very strong. The statement would have read more accurately as "The nafs weakens."

When the nafs is strong, the heart is weak. When the heart is weak, the nafs is strong. When things are too overwhelming and we are absorbed in that which isn't benefitting the soul, generally one can be inclined to believe that the heart is in a weaker state while the nafs is stronger.

The nafs is a great enemy, often leading to evil, unless or until it is tamed and taught submission to the will of One God. Wa Allahu'alim.

May God forgive me where I err, and may He teach me that which is beneficial to my soul and my relationship with Him, ameen.

Reminiscing on Tomorrow

BismiLlah

"Farzeen Khala, we're gonna play basketball..." said one of my nephews.

"Oooh, you are! Good!"

Each armed with a ball, the older one took a shot and managed to at least hit the rim. The younger one tried his mightiest to take a shot and succeeded in getting the ball just above his head, at least one metre shy of the rim.

"Dulla thkored!" announced the younger one.

"He scored! Yayyy!!" We all cheered.

My mind soon scanned over all my episodic memories, reminding me of all the good memories. All my memories are good (even the ones of my naivety and stupidity) because they all have taught me so much, for which I am tremendously grateful. My parents, both of whom have always worked very hard, gave me and my siblings what money could never buy - their time, their love, and their wisdom.

The journey that my siblings, cousins, and I have taken has been much more curved and adventuresome. There were the young days when going to bed meant that my sister and I would seek out all nine other people in the home to hug, kiss, and say our usual good night words to. It was on such a routine night venture that I have a fond memory of chasing my cousin around the small house that all eleven of us called home at the time. There were times when we'd fight with each other at one moment and play with each other at the very next moment. A common theme in many childhoods. Our teenage years were more diverse, as we each sought different ways to define ourselves. It wasn't that long ago when my sister would ask that I close my bedroom door so she wouldn't have to hear my collection of nasheeds playing, and I would close my door so that I wouldn't have to hear her heavy metal songs.

Times have changed.

***
Today is a different day. No more are we the children, but now we are the adults. Struggling. Struggling as I imagine all adults have done and will likely continue to do. Each of us chasing something unique. It's the most difficult to chase the abstract and to get others to understand what this quest is about.

Will we ever be good enough for each other? My weakness tells me no. My strength tells me yes.

Will we ever be good enough for ourselves? My weakness tells me yes. My strength tells me no.

***
I think about tomorrow. Tears are for achieving strength from yesterday, for conquering anxiety today, but I'm praying for smiles for tomorrow.

My only tomorrow is just one day. One moment. One more breath. My last. That's my tomorrow. I want to meet tomorrow with a smile from my heart.

Ya Rabb! Bring us closer to You. Let our return to You be beautiful, as you have promised the believers. To You we surely belong. In all truth, it is to You we belong. Bless us with a sweet return home, ameen.

Update: 2007-02-11

I was thinking about my statement, "all my memories are good." This is inaccurate. Praise be to God, most of my memories are... but I've failed to shed light on some things and there are some feelings that haven't been pleasant and can never be pleasant. I'd hate to say they're 'bad' moments of life. God has blessed me with so much, I like to consider the less-than-perfect moments as checks that add balance to life. Praise and thanks belongs to God alone.

Issues... They're All Ours

BismiAllah

*Allah created beauty, innocence, and peace, and He blessed us with the children to remind us of all of these....*

One of the best sounds in the world is that of a child's laughter. It doesn't really matter if you're upset or feeling glum, hearing their giggles will inevitably make you smile. Alternatively, one of the worst sounds in the world is that of a child crying. Children have many different types of cries, the worst of which is a genuine cry of fear or pain. If you beg to differ, then I suspect your heart may need a little dusting.

So why is it that most 'normal' people have an inclination toward children? Aren't children whiny? Messy? Noisy? Pesky? Sometimes, but still they're gems, the worth of which nothing can compare. Their greatest value is not attributed to their charm, beauty, silliness, and honesty; it is attributed to their brilliant innocence. It doesn't matter how hard we try, we cannot claim as much innocence as young children.

It hurts to see children caught in the middle of adults' petty and selfish problems and arguments. One blog makes a good point in that children do not see the intricacies of the world. Their world view is pretty black and white - i.e. heroes and villains, love or hate. It is quite unfortunate that there are some parents in the world who don't care to attend to children and their emotional and psychological needs [Of note, there are of course many more really committed parents too].

I'm not talking about the extreme view of doting on children's every whim and desire. If you did that, you'd rid yourself of your good sense and wisdom. What I mean here is that the world is a very confusing, hurtful, and dangerous place with some pockets of love and mercy. Children need to know how to understand it at their level of comprehension. Children need to be taught to develop an optimistic view of humankind, life, and death.

As always, it's much easier to talk about it than it is to achieve it. So how do we do it? The Prophet Muhammad (may God's peace and blessings be upon him and his family) exemplified the best of ways, and he taught us to approach children with love. He taught us how to appreciate children, care for them, and to teach them with a balanced hand. Best of all, he taught us how to develop our character. He showed us, throughout his life, the meaning of perfection in human existence, which of course always means submission to our Lord.

The starting point for myself and all those looking to try to make the world better for ourselves, our biological children, and our children of humanity, is based, as I see it now, in the development of our character and moral principles. Ultimately, we cannot think that we will reach a point where we can say "Yes, now I am ready to share my skills with the world for the sake of improving the world." Death may reach us before that ever happens, if that ever happens. As long as we have one inkling of good character and ethical stewardship, we have to share it with others, starting with those closest to us... our very own children.

*....Allah entrusted to us all a gift to hold so dear, to teach with love, teach how to love, Allah's command is clear.*
-- Dawud W. Ali

Echo

BismiLlah

O beautiful world, I heard your cry
The blood-soaked Earth has released a sigh
If I could save you single-handedly, I surely would
But my excuses belie, my hands turn to wood

I fail not only you, but wrong myself
Making difficult what is easy, rejecting true wealth
Your tears are most welcome, with my own they blend
Fighting in darkness until the very end

Shine on me and melt this icy enclave
Release the shackles of a self-destructive slave
Together on the dusty path we must consistently tread
Contentment lies before us, push on, it's just ahead...

God willing.

Exile

BismiAllah

It's a wonderful thing sometimes to experience change. A change in scenery. A change in thinking. A change in understanding. A change in the movements that we make all too carelessly as we fall victim to our habitually thoughtless actions.

Do you ever feel, sometimes, as though life is like walking on a treadmill? You're moving, but you aren't actually going anywhere. It's not the physical so much as the spiritual movement that needs attention. There are advantages to a momentous step backward. It opens a way for humility to sprinkle its dust upon us reminding us about the true reality of our existence. Do you believe that? Isn't it that when humility touches us we are moving forward, submitting to the reality of our existence? Humbling ourselves before the One deserving of all praise, and putting our hearts where often only our tongues lie. Humility is not the goal, not at all. It is but one of many arteries that eventually leads us to the heart of our existence.

On a much deeper note, Dr. Tariq Ramadan writes a beautiful concluding analysis of the hijrah (the migration of the early Muslim community from Makkah to Medina) in his book "In the Footsteps of the Prophet: Lessons from the Life of Muhammad" [peace be upon him]. He says,

Physical hijrah, the founding act of the first Muslim community and the axis of its experience, is now over and will not happen again, as Aishah forcefully explained to those in Medina who wanted to relive the experience. Umar ibn al-Khattab was later to decide that this unique event would mark the beginning of the Islamic era, which begins in 622. What remains, and is open to everyone through the ages and for eternity, is the experience of spiritual exile, which brings the individual back to him- or herself and from the illusions of self and of the world. Exile for the sake of God is in essence a series of questions that God asks each individual being: Who are you? What is the meaning of your life? Where are you going? Accepting the risk of such exile, trusting the One, is to answer: Through You, I return to myself and I am free [p. 87].

Transcendent is God!

Words of the Heart and Mind...

BismiLlah

I wrote this over three years ago, but I thought that perhaps the essence of it may be of benefit to others, insha'Allah, so I typed it up again to post here. It could do with a lot of editing, but I decided to keep it exactly like the original, minus a few paragraphs. The Internet is no place to call home. Please remember, these are mere thoughts that at one point in life I put onto paper. My words cannot be taken as "Islamically accurate" since I have no evidence to support them.

The sun is shining a little bit differently today, not drastically enough for anyone to notice but enough for the one looking to notice. In my eyes, its shimmer is different. It is special. I think of the past, present, and what the future may hold. I force myself to not lose sight of the fact that my fate and destiny are predestined and the one thing I am guaranteed is a visit to my grave. But on my sojourn heading to my grave, what shall I encounter? I fear that I do not know what I need to know to make this trip a successful one.

Now arises the possibility of having a companion to accompany and assist me, and I him, on this short trip of life only to hopefully reach our destination pleasantly, safely, and with the hopes of enjoying it together. So what makes for a good companion on this specific journey? There are so many opinions about what makes one a true friend and a true partner in life, yet I am of the belief that while the general aspects differ we have to hold strong to some key things to make a wise choice.

So do tell, how does one know what one truly needs? How does one find a true companion? For starters, one cannot dissect a partner for there will undoubtedly be faults. There are faults with the travellers, both of them alike. The point is to make sure that they can travel with little discord and a lot of acceptance, tolerance, and mercy for each other. That's right, mercy.

And He has put love and mercy between your hearts, verily in that are signs for those who reflect. We really must reflect on the mercy that the Almighty has bestowed on us. He it is who will give us the peace we need, whenever we might need it; and if your heart is not attached to this world, you will always need to figure out the world as you live in it. It is interesting to note how most emphasize the part about love there, yet love is secondary to mercy, isn't it? Do you truly love someone if you do not show them mercy? Undoubtedly, our Lord loves us, for His mercies are bountiful. To Him do we submit.

It is He who puts love and mercy in our hearts. It is He who we must thank for that feeling. We should never show Him ingratitude for His gift of a companion [and all His gifts really] for any reason, though the worth of the gift is usually reason enough to be grateful. May He protect me from ever being ungrateful for that truly would be an awful state in which to live.

Back to what we were deciphering... what one truly needs. Logically and obviously, one truly needs a companion and friend who is on a journey to the same place. Secondly, one must consider the "indispensable" resources that this person has to offer in order to make this trip a success, insha'Allah. Meaning, the blessings which the Almighty has bestowed on this person. Mind you, they can always be taken away if not worked at and appreciated. Such things include, but are not limited to, humility, beneficial knowledge, and a kind and sound heart. A true Muslim by heart, submitting to his Lord and obeying Him without compromise. True to himself, true to his Lord.

The rest of the essence, to know for sure if this is a true companion for you, cannot be defined so explicitly and you must consult your Creator and your heart to know. Your heart is a tool through which your Creator may choose to bring His guidance to you.

You must remember that in all things there is also the sneaky, arrogant, and shameless one tempting you, confusing you, and prodding you to that which you cannot comprehend. This individual may distract you from that which is better for you. As said, something to the effect... You may love that which is not good for you, yet dislike that which is good for you. He, the shameful one, may tell you that if one lacks the things in this world that are considered superior i.e. high level of secular education, wealth, status, and the like, then this person is not "worthy" to serve as a true friend and companion. 'AuthubiLlah. Seek refuge with Ar-Rahman.

Do recognize though that the accursed one may not necessarily do things which give you a bad feeling, but he may also try to suppress a "bad" feeling that you have. You must be careful. You must figure out if he is distracting you from something good or if he is calling you to do something that your heart is warning you about. Glory be to the Overpowering Lord, for He makes truth prevail over falsehood. If we are led astray, it is but a crime we commit against our own selves. Be patient. Trust Allah. Trust your heart.

If this ends with a tear, I shall decide now to know that there is good in those tears, for surely there will be multiple tears. For every tear, there is a lesson. For every tear, I shall gain strength. For every tear that I appreciate and reflect on and submit with, I am surely getting closer to my goal - to develop a closeness to Al Aziz, the Mighty, the Creator of all things, seen and unseen.

Thank you Allah!

Release Me

BismiAllah

Hours past midnight, memories for me to taste
A flavour so strong, my heart makes haste
But it stumbles on the way to embrace this peace
Remembering only the heartless games of deceit

Don't play with me, O Tempter, your way is lame
I won't be your chess piece in this selfish game
Words of defense eagerly spoken
Your gesture is yet another selfish token

No closure from a vague excuse
My being begs entrance into deep recluse
Victimized by the very essence of self
Resolving for security and a greater wealth

For you your way, and for me mine own
Words easily spoken, though actionless prone
My enemy moves with me from the depths within
The game is just beginning, so deceptive is sin

Will It Ever Stop?

BismiAllah

It has to stop. At this very moment, as I take my next breath, another woman, man, and/or child is being violated in the worst of ways. Beaten, raped, and humiliated. It's not nice to hear about these ugly things that plague our world, but they're happening. Sometimes it's right under our noses.

Unfortunately, I recently watched some television shows such as CSI, Criminal Minds, and Law and Order. Most of the criminal cases in these shows refer to some crude and violent action used to kill a person. Worse still, these programs, though filled with the drama of Hollywood, actually showed the individuals being tortured and killed. I hate it. I hate it. I couldn't help but wonder if it is shows such as these that we can thank for the phenomenally high rates of rape and violence against women. I wonder, is it reality that provides the scripts for these shows or are the shows providing scripts for sick minds that are looking for sadistically creative ways to hurt others. I think it's a combination of both.

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that people watch this and eventually become desensitized to such horrendous injustices or that people (because there are people who are responsible for this) actually act these things out, tape it, and then put it on national TV. Honestly, I think it's one disgusting cycle, and I question how it ever came to exist.

It goes without saying that some people in the world are walking around with stones in place of what was once a pure and innocent heart. There are vicious cycles of violence occurring. Often, crimes committed in adulthood are attributed to problematic childhoods. Why do people have bad childhoods? Often because their parents don't do their jobs and often even harm their children in horrible, horrible, horrible ways.

How do we change this? In one lecture, Shaykh Anwar Al Alwaki (may God preserve him and give him tawfeeq, ameen) talked about how at the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), his companions would follow the laws revealed in the Quran immediately upon the revelation of the verses. He sited the incident when alcohol was declared forbidden through revelation. Those who heard the revelation from the lips of our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) took the news to the rest of the city. At the time, one of the companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) [whose name I cannot recall] was pouring alcohol for others. Upon hearing the revelation, he immediately threw the alcohol away. Those who had alcohol in their cups, immediately threw that away. Those who had alcohol in their mouths, immediately spat it out, and some who had just ingested alcohol even went to the length of inducing vomit. Glory be to God!

Shaykh Anwar Al Awlaki also reminds us about how the US attempted to ban alcohol but failed because people became involved in bootlegging and found other illegal ways to produce and consume alcohol which eventually led to bad health conditions for the people.

The effort to ban alcohol in the US was an expensive venture that was sadly unsuccessful. So why were the companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) able to respond so diligently and wholeheartedly to the prohibition of alcohol? Maybe because they had a blessed Prophet (peace be upon him) living among them? Hmm.. perhaps. But had the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told them the same in Makkah as soon as they became Muslims, it wouldn't have worked so well. Why? Because while in Makkah, the new Muslims were still learning the meaning of faith (or imaan).

What does faith mean today? What does it mean to have a closeness to our Creator? What does it mean to submit to our Creator? The companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him and may God's mercy be upon all of the Prophet's companions) submitted to the Oneness of God in the truest way possible. I pray for this submission and long to keep the company of those who have it. We need it.

This world needs a return to truth. This world needs a return to justice. This world needs a return to peace.

Shaykh Anwar Al Awlaki continued his lecture by sharing the key to becoming a successful thief namely that one should aim to take that which is light in weight yet great in value. The same key can be used by those of us struggling to open the door to imaan. One of the lightest yet highly valuable ways to achieve our goal is to continuously remind ourselves about our purpose in life and to remember our Lord (engage in dhikr) in all that we do.

For the love of God, we need to change things. It's not okay to entertain ourselves with programs that depict violence of others. It's a serious matter. Injustices must not be taken lightly.

We can't keep hitting the snooze button. It is way past time to wake up. Let's wake up!

O Lord, help us all, ameen!

Knock Knock

Bismi Allah

Sitting atop a mountain. Embracing the mysterious atmosphere. Favonian winds sweeping through. Enticing secret thoughts.

Savouring happiness. Indulging its companion. Echoing a release of emotions.

Still. Motionless. Peace.

Peace.

The waves pound against the rocks. A return of the natural. Wading in water. Fighting the waves.

A sudden calm.

Still. Motionless. Peace.

The succulence of life. Salivating tissues. Fear. Hope. Struggle.

Nothing comes easy. Tap into secluded silence. Wed truth.

All nuisances, remove yourselves. All temptations, cease your efforts.

The call has been made. Respond to it. Taste it. Feel it. Engage it.

Duty Bound

BismiAllah

There are four generations of people currently living at home now. It never ceases to amaze me that despite having some shared genes, there are considerable generational differences. One of my grandmothers was born and raised in South Africa and left the country when she married sometime during the apartheid (if I have my history right). My other grandmother was born and raised in India, and experienced a completely different life. My parents, born and raised in a British colony, grew up with priceless joys and some tough times. My generation...well.. we're a different story all together. I think sometimes the only thing that keeps us grounded is knowing that were it not for the hard work of preceding generations and the blessings of God, our lives would be no different than the millions worldwide who are struggling on a daily basis to meet even the most basic of needs. All praises and thanks belong to God, the Most High, deserving of all praise.

My parents often share stories of their young days, and they always entertain my questions about their lives and their parents' lives. I try to absorb it all, but I know that I will never truly be able to understand how it was for them. In the least though, it teaches me to appreciate the life that I have.

North America, and the West in general, is an individualistic society. The idea being that if you can do everything alone, then you're successful. I think this is a load of bologna. Of course, people must handle themselves and take care of their own responsibilities, but in a humble way.

What does humility have to do with it? Well, when I think about how my parents described their early years after marriage, I find that they were responsible for themselves, yet they were loving and connected to their parents. Their independence was out of necessity, not out of arrogance nor out of an effort to prove their maturity. Thus, to some extent, they were able to honour their parents and all that they parents had done for the sake of making their children's lives easier.

It bothers me a lot to see the elderly alone. I often see them shopping alone, driving alone, and walking alone. This is not right. As a society, we cannot keep taking... we have to give something back. I know there are people who do take care of their elders, for which I don't doubt that their lives will be enriched.

When I watch my nephews and all that their parents go through for them, I can't help but wonder what my parents felt over the years when taking care of me.... SubhanAllah... I wish there was a way I could honour them and express my gratitude to them, but nothing I do will ever suffice. Instead, I pray for them, attempt to be a better daughter to them, and I promise myself that if I live to see them into their old age, I will do whatever I can to care for them, God willing.

May the Almighty take care of our parents, aunts, and uncles in their old age as they took care of us when we were young. May He bless them and bestow His infinite mercy upon them and us all. May He cause us all to lead lives that are pleasing to Him and make us all among those whom He is pleased with, ameen!

Nafsi, nafsi, nafsi.... Myself, myself, myself...

Bismi Allah

It all comes back to us, ourselves, our selfish motives, and our lack of effort directed towards understanding things outside of ourselves and our ways of doing and being.

It is often difficult to get our heads around the ways of this world. It's easy to appreciate complicated matters because the complication illustrates the intricacies and sophistication of life, but sometimes it's nice to find some areas of security, free of obscurities.

I imagine that many wonder, "Where must our loyalties lie?" In our chaotic world of increased technology combined with inept and ignoble leadership, it's not safe to trust anybody who is willing to give even a somewhat intelligent opinion on any matter. Thus, it becomes a personal necessity for individuals to learn more about the pertinent issues and to reflect upon these while strictly adhering to universal principles.

These thoughts stem from some of the ideas that Dr. Tariq Ramadan expresses to the world at large. He is one brother who I regard with a high level of respect, and whom I love for the sake of God. [May God bless him and his family, ameen.] Not only does he offer a humble and clear perspective of the world, but he also has practical suggestions that we can all implement in our daily lives to improve ourselves on a personal level and in turn become productive on the communal and global levels.

In a recent lecture, he mentioned that when we build our communities we have to start by building a space of love. For many, this love comes from our families and close friends. They are often the ones we lean on when things get difficult. It is such a blessing, but it's not something that is shared by everybody. I guess that's why it becomes increasingly important for us to express some level of this compassion and love to others. But how? This is a very personal question that each of us has to figure out, given our circumstances, for ourselves.

In one of my classes in university, we were required to form a group and complete a large assignment. The professor advised us to approach this group work with a focus on the process instead of the goal. Similarly, our goal in life is to serve our Lord as He commands us, yet the only way to approach this is to be dilligent throughout the process. The goal doesn't take precedence over the process, especially since we can't guarantee ourselves that we will achieve the goal --- all we can do is ensure that we are working hard towards the goal.

Whatever it is that any of us decide to do, we must take great pains to ensure that we do not feed our egos (or nafs, the lower self). Instead, let's transform our efforts into acts of servitude to God through serving humankind... God willing!

Unveiling One's Nature

BismiAllah

The midday heat was becoming increasingly oppressive; nonetheless, the young man decided to trek on. He really had no other choice. "A few more hours until sunset, just keep going..." he chided himself. He had been walking alone through this barren desert for more than 24 hours in search of a treasure. It was not the typical treasure with gold and precious jewels, but rather the treasury of an oasis with lavish date palms and cool water. He knew it was a matter of time before he found it, but despite his decision to continue walking his body collapsed onto a blanket of burning sand.

"I must keep going... I have to find it," he mumbled. Still, his body would not obey. He dragged himself slowly across the earth moving a few feet further and finally collapsed. Time passed by slowly. Though conscious, he was exhausted. It was nearing sunset, and he was losing hope in his mission. In a final effort to continue, he dug his hands into the sand and pushed his body slightly upward. He then looked up.

Before his very eyes was no other than the oasis itself, more beautiful than he had imagined! He was ecstatic. "At last, I have found you!" he declared. The adrenaline that came with his excitement was enough for him to stand up again. He took slow steps towards his beauty as he spoke to it, "For hours, I've searched this hot and crude desert for you, and now you are mine. I shall enjoy you more now than I ever did in my dreams...."

He suddenly stopped.

"Strange..." he said. "Every time I come closer to you, you move further away from me." He took another step forward, and his beauty increased their distance again. "It is not time for games, my love. I've earned my time with you." The sun was rapidly sinking into the horizon, and his beautiful treasure was fading away. He counselled himself to patience. "We shall meet again in the morning," he promised the darkness before him.

He lay down on the sand, now much cooler than earlier that afternoon. Using his arms as a pillow, he tried to sleep. His attempts failed as his mind raced with thoughts of how he would claim his treasure. Finally, he drifted off into a restless sleep.

The morning sun peaked over the horizon, and the young man opened his eyes. Unsure of where he was, he surveyed his surroundings. He then remembered what had transpired the day before and eagerly rose to meet his challenge -- but it was nowhere in sight.

"It has to be here somewhere," he said. He continued walking. Three hours later, he saw it again. "We meet again, O Beautiful One," he said. No response. "You tormented me in my sleep, and now I must conquer you. But first, allow me to understand you." Still no response.

He plopped down onto the sand before it and said, "It seems to me that your wealth is only good at certain times. Can your owner not enjoy you whenever he pleases? Even if enjoyment of you has its limitations, will I have to chase you each morning? Even if I have to chase you each morning, what can you offer me besides sweet dates and some water?"

Still no response. He sighed. He closed his eyes and listened. Silence. He listened to his breathing. The world echoed a silence that moved with the rhythm of his soul.

He opened his eyes again and looked around only to find hills of sand in every direction. He smiled a knowing smile and rose once again to continue his journey. "Sometimes you just have to talk to your mirage."

"Anyone who spends the day in safety, in good health and with (enough to eat), is like someone upon whom the world and all it contains has been bestowed."
-- Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)
[Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 185]

Is Love Failing?

BismiLlah

For centuries, people have written about love - romantic love, parental love, humanistic love, and the list goes on. To be able to love is a blessing, one that can't be taken for granted, but really, what does love mean?

Does love mean to adore someone or something to the point of weakening your grasp on reality or is it entirely the opposite and instead a force that brings us clarity? Is it really a "force"? If so, what is its purpose? Where can we find it?

If we say we love humanity, why do we wrong each other? If we say we love our families, why can't we respect each other? If we say that we love goodness, why do we engage in evil? We often blame it on the devil, aka Shaytan/Satan. He gets the blame where we err, and yet he will tell us himself that he can't make us do anything and that our decisions are our own. So do we listen to his suggestions because we love him? Perhaps. Or perhaps we are instead serving our nafs where we need to be serving our Lord.

As Muslims, it seems as though we have rankings of love and dedication. There are, of course, various types of love, but it basically goes like this: love your Creator, love the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and all the Prophets and Messengers (peace be upon them all), and then love everything that Islam teaches. The second scheme includes that which Islam teaches and goes like this: love your parents, love your kin, love the ummah, love your neighbours, and love humanity. Love is a sophisticated interplay of rights and responsibilities. In each instance, to achieve love requires some work and a focus, essentially the rekindling of a fire within the soul.

I am starting to believe each level of love has to be nurtured in order to have any hope for achieving success at the next level. Have you noticed how often when we speak of great people of the past, we find that these people actually loved their enemies simply as a result of their shared humanity? Today, it is considered praiseworthy to tell another person off -- a glory that at one point was endowed to the one who remained calm. No doubt, accepted cultural norms of today's society need to be challenged with an acute sense of awareness of what it means to be a Muslim.

The Muslim is the one with a patient smile, forgiving words, a compassionate personality, and yet is a lion on the battlefield for the sake of earning His Lord's pleasure.

Love is a tool and force that can be used for both good and evil. It doesn't fail us in bettering this world; we fail because we use it for selfish gains. Ironic, isn't it?

We can only say that we love something or someone if we know what that involves. In order to adorn ourselves with the cloak of love, we need to start from the beginning. For me, this means learning about what it means to be an ama (or 'abd, the masculine word) (servant) of Allah. This is the only type of love that can single-handedly fill the heart. Without it, every other type of love will neither be complete nor everlasting.

Sometimes servants of God try to behave like the Lord, without a doubt. Sometimes servants of God behave like servants.
When they behave like servants, they are truly like the Lord.
When they behave like the Lord, they are in a sorry condition.
- Ibn Arabi

Unintended Rejuvenation

BismiAllah

*Wind were you the breath from the lips of the Prophet (peace be upon him) carrying wisdom to thirsty ears?* - Dawud W. Ali

Like the changing winds, I am forced to acknowledge the beauty of renewed direction. One step backwards has taken me two steps forward, praise be to God.

My last post on this blog expressed my intention to cease blogging. Among the useful comments following the post was that of MuslimBro whose comments are the source of inspiration for this post.

I owe him an apology, the premise of which has occupied my thoughts and has helped me to assess myself. My response to his comment was, as I see now, ridiculous. I said, "I'll refrain from blogging until I have something substantial and worthwhile to say that may benefit any readers." There will never be a time when I can say to myself that what I have to say will be substantial or worthwhile to anyone besides myself. SubhanAllah! The arrogance of the statement is shameful, and I seek Allah's guidance and protection from such thinking. I also denied that writing is a gift, and that too is sheer stupidity on my part. May Allah forgive me for it, for no doubt He has blessed with me a lot and the ability to write is definitely a blessing and gift from Him. By recognizing this blessing, I am no doubt obliged to use it in a good way.

So to blog or not to blog? Well, I have benefited from exerting some energy into articulating my incoherence, but I question why it is that I felt relief after my decision to cease blogging. I have an idea of reasons for this relief which I think I discovered from my response to Farhana's comments on my last post. I told her that my posts have gradually weakened since the onset of this blog. When I said that, I was referring to the quality of writing. But it's not the writing itself that I find weakness in, rather it is the intention and/or motivating factor behind the writing. SubhanAllah... I sense a change there that I don't like, and which I believe may be harmful to myself.

I tend to get frustrated with myself for not putting my money where my mouth is, and this blog is clearly my mouth. This is another deterrent. However, with that said, I know there is greatness in step-by-step progression. For example, it is a general trend in society that people enter university, pick a program, and move forward with it as long as they are able and willing or as long as they have achieved adequate credentials. My university experience was far from that, and will likely continue to remain that way. I decided to graduate one year earlier than initially intended because I didn't want to have a degree just for the heck of it. I feel as though I need to pursue other things in life before perhaps considering going back to further my education for the sake of achieving other purposes. Blogging is no different I think. My writing on this blog compared to my writing in notebooks is quite different. I think in some ways, at this point in my life, I do need this outlet as an introspective endeavour -- but on condition...

The condition is one and the same, God willing, with everything in life, and that is that it helps me to move closer to the ultimate goal of purifying myself and coming closer to Allah. If it does not help me in my servitude to my Creator, it is worthless. That goes with everything and anything in life.

"Actions are based on intentions, and he will have what is intended for him." Thus, I will likely resume blogging as long as I can keep my intentions clear and use it as a source of healthy progression, God willing. If not, may Allah help me to see the wretchedness in my misdirected deeds, ameen.

Jazakum Allah khayr previous commentators for being the means through which Allah has allowed me to see my errors. May He continue to favour you with His blessings, and cause us all to meet Him when He is pleased with us, ameen!

Everything Has Its End

BismiAllahir Rahmanir Raheem

I've had a sneaking suspicion, or rather a gut instinct, that there was something about the 'blog world' that wasn't good for me personally (I guess just being the way that I am). But I pushed it aside and instead spent four months writing things that were probably best written in notebooks, if I felt the need to write at all for personal benefits.

I am not sure if in any of my posts I have mentioned trying to 'earn Jannah [Paradise].' If so, forgive me for making such a nonsensical statement. We cannot earn Jannah. It is only by His mercy that we will be able to enter Paradise, God willing. For a brief elaboration on the topic, watch this short clip: Are You Ready to Die?

I don't think there is much traffic on this site, alhamduliAllah, but for those who do visit it, thank you for your comments and discussion, both of which I have appreciated. I will need to find alternative means, besides a wonderful family, for more regular thoughtful interactions. Nevertheless, such is life. Here's a parting gift. Oh, and one more. More food for thought, and another point worth reflecting on, God willing.

May God, the Almighty, forgive me for my mistakes/errors and the wrong that I may have engaged in. May He guide me, my loved ones, the ones who I have come to respect including those in the 'blog world,' and the entire ummah of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Ameen!

Remember the ummah in your prayers...
Wa 'alaykum assalaam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaatu.